Summary
Supporting young people can be an important and rewarding part of being a parent, guardian, teacher, youth worker, coach or another trusted adult. Young people may turn to the adults around them when they are struggling with friendships, school or college, family relationships, bullying, bereavement, changes in their identity or difficulties with their mental health. Sometimes, they may explain what is wrong directly; at other times, their distress may show through changes in their behaviour, mood, relationships, attendance or ability to manage everyday responsibilities. Having a trusted adult who listens, responds with patience and takes their concerns seriously can help a young person feel less alone and more able to seek help.
However, supporting a young person can also be emotionally demanding. You may worry about their safety, feel responsible for helping them overcome their difficulties or find it hard to switch off after a challenging conversation. You might be balancing these concerns alongside work, family responsibilities, financial pressures, health difficulties or your own experiences of poor mental health. Parents and guardians may feel guilty when they cannot make things better for their child, while teachers and other professionals may feel pressure to support multiple young people while managing their own workload. Over time, these demands can contribute to stress, exhaustion, anxiety, low mood, frustration or feeling emotionally overwhelmed. You may find yourself becoming more irritable, struggling to concentrate, losing patience more quickly or feeling that you have nothing left to give.
Looking after your own mental health is therefore an important part of supporting young people. This does not mean that you must always feel calm, confident or emotionally well to be a good parent, guardian or professional. It means recognising your own needs, understanding your limits and making space to access support when you need it. Rest, healthy boundaries, time away from responsibilities, supportive relationships and opportunities to talk about your own feelings can all help protect your wellbeing. Seeking help for yourself is not selfish, and it does not make your concerns about a young person any less valid. You deserve support in your own right, rather than only receiving help when your difficulties begin to affect someone else.
There may be times when a young person needs to talk about something serious while you are already struggling yourself. You might feel emotionally drained, be dealing with a personal crisis or worry that you cannot give them the attention they need. This can be particularly difficult when the young person trusts you or sees you as someone they can always turn to. It is important to remember that being a trusted adult does not mean you must be the only person supporting them. You can acknowledge their feelings, take their concerns seriously and help them connect with another trusted adult, professional or support service when you are not able to provide all the support they need. If you are worried about their immediate safety, you should seek appropriate help without delay.
For parents and guardians, this may mean recognising that you can love your child deeply while finding their difficulties difficult to manage, and that you can ask for help without failing them. For teachers, youth workers and other professionals, it may mean using supervision, following safeguarding procedures, involving colleagues and maintaining boundaries around your role. In either situation, you do not need to have all the answers or resolve every problem yourself. Listening, being honest about what you can offer and helping a young person access appropriate support can be valuable in their own right.
How to help myself
Start by noticing how you are feeling, rather than waiting until you reach breaking point. Supporting others can take up so much emotional energy that it becomes easy to overlook your own needs. You might notice that you are more irritable than usual, feeling constantly tired, worrying about young people outside of work, struggling to switch off, becoming less patient or feeling guilty when you take time for yourself. You may also find yourself feeling helpless, emotionally drained or responsible for solving problems that are beyond your control. These can be signs that you need to pause and give your own wellbeing more attention.
Try to make space for activities that help you rest and recover. This could include spending time with people you trust, getting outside, moving your body, doing something creative, enjoying a hobby or allowing yourself time to do very little. Regular meals, sleep and breaks can also make it easier to cope with stress. You do not need to make major changes all at once; small, realistic steps can be more manageable when life is already busy. It can help to notice what tends to leave you feeling depleted and what helps you feel more settled, so that you can build restorative activities into your routine.
Set boundaries around your time, energy and responsibilities where possible. You may care deeply about a young person and still need time away from your role. If you work with young people, this might mean taking your breaks, using supervision, sharing responsibilities with colleagues and following your organisation’s procedures rather than trying to manage every concern yourself. As a parent or guardian, boundaries might mean asking another trusted adult for help, taking a short pause before responding to a difficult situation or recognising that you cannot resolve every problem immediately. Boundaries are not a sign that you do not care; they help make support more sustainable.
Talking to someone can help you process the emotional impact of supporting others. You might speak to a friend, family member, colleague, supervisor, GP or counsellor. You do not have to wait until you are in crisis to ask for help, and you do not need to share a young person’s private information to explain how a situation is affecting you. If you are struggling to cope, feeling persistently low or anxious, or finding that your wellbeing is affecting everyday life, consider seeking professional support. If you are finding it difficult to support a young person because of your own mental health, that is a reason to seek additional help, not a reason to blame yourself.
Remember that being a supportive adult does not mean being available at all times, always knowing what to say or preventing every difficult experience. You can care about a young person without taking complete responsibility for their feelings or decisions. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is recognise what is within your control, be honest about what you can offer and help them access the right support.
How to support a young person when you are struggling yourself
There may be times when a young person approaches you with something upsetting or serious when you are already feeling overwhelmed. You might worry that you will say the wrong thing, struggle to concentrate or feel that you do not have the emotional capacity to listen properly. You do not need to pretend that everything is fine, but it is important to respond in a way that helps the young person feel heard and safe.
If you can, pause, take a breath and listen without rushing to offer advice. You do not have to solve the problem immediately. You could say, “I’m glad you’ve told me,” “That sounds really difficult,” or “Let’s think about who could help us with this.” If you are not in a good place to have a longer conversation, explain this gently without making the young person feel that they are a burden. For example, you could say, “I want to give this the attention it deserves, and I’m finding it difficult to concentrate right now. Can we find another trusted adult who can support you as well?” Whenever possible, help them make that connection rather than simply telling them to speak to somebody else.
If you are worried that a young person may be at risk of harm, do not delay getting help because you feel overwhelmed or unsure what to do. You can involve another trusted adult, a safeguarding lead, a mental health professional or an appropriate service. If you are a worker, follow your organisation’s safeguarding procedures and share concerns with the appropriate person. If you are a parent or guardian, contact a suitable professional or service for advice. If there is immediate danger, contact emergency services.
You can be honest about your limits without sharing personal details that the young person is not equipped to manage. They do not need to become responsible for comforting you or looking after your mental health. It is usually more helpful to explain that you want to make sure they get the right support, and that you are involving someone else because their wellbeing matters. If you have already reacted impatiently or feel you did not respond as you wanted to, you can acknowledge this, apologise where appropriate and try again.
How to help a loved one
If someone you care about is supporting young people and seems to be struggling, try to offer support without assuming you know exactly what they need. They may feel they have to stay strong for everyone else, or worry that admitting they are struggling will make them seem incapable. Let them know they do not have to manage everything alone. You could ask how they are coping, listen without immediately trying to fix things and offer practical help, such as taking on a task, helping them find support or giving them some time to rest.
Try to avoid suggesting that they should simply be more resilient, put their own feelings aside or focus only on the young person. Their wellbeing matters too. If they are a parent or guardian, recognise that supporting a child can affect family life, relationships, sleep and confidence. If they work with young people, remember that caring professions can be emotionally demanding even when someone is experienced and committed to their role.
If you are worried that they are becoming overwhelmed, encourage them to speak to someone they trust or access professional support. If you are a colleague, you could help them identify supervision, staff wellbeing support or a safeguarding colleague who can share responsibility for a difficult situation. You do not need to become their counsellor or take responsibility for their wellbeing yourself. Offering kindness, practical help and encouragement to seek support can be enough to help them take the next step.
Supporting a young person as a parent or guardian
As a parent or guardian, it can be particularly difficult to see a young person struggling. You may feel worried, guilty, frustrated or unsure whether you are doing the right thing. You might also be balancing work, relationships, caring responsibilities and your own mental health. These feelings do not mean you are failing. It is possible to love and support a young person while finding the situation challenging.
Try to create opportunities for your young person to talk without making every conversation feel like an assessment of how they are doing. You could check in while walking, travelling together or doing an everyday activity. Listen to what they are saying, acknowledge their feelings and ask what would help rather than immediately offering solutions. If they do not want to talk, let them know you are available and revisit the conversation gently. Changes in mood, behaviour, sleep, appetite, friendships, school attendance or usual interests may be reasons to check in and consider whether further support is needed.
You do not have to be your young person’s only source of support. Depending on their needs, you could help them speak to their GP, school or college, a trusted family member, a counsellor or a local children and young people’s mental health service. If you are worried about their safety, seek advice rather than waiting for things to get worse. Looking after your own mental health can help you respond more calmly and consistently, but it is also important for your own sake. You deserve support in your own right, not only because it helps you care for someone else.
If you feel too overwhelmed to listen or respond helpfully in a particular moment, try to avoid having a difficult conversation when you are at the point of losing your temper, where it is safe to wait. You could explain that you want to give them your attention and suggest a time to talk soon. If the concern is urgent, however, do not postpone getting help. Ask another trusted adult or professional to support you and your young person.
Supporting a young person as a teacher, youth worker or other professional
Working with young people can involve supporting them through distress, family difficulties, bullying, bereavement, safeguarding concerns or changes in behaviour. You may build strong relationships with the young people you work with, but you are not expected to manage every concern independently. Your role is to listen, respond appropriately, follow safeguarding procedures and help the young person access the right support.
If a young person shares something worrying, stay calm, listen carefully and take what they say seriously. You do not need to investigate the situation yourself or promise that you will keep everything secret. Explain that you may need to share information with the appropriate people to help keep them safe, and be as clear as possible about what will happen next. Follow your organisation’s safeguarding policy and speak to the designated safeguarding lead or relevant manager when needed. Record and share information in line with your organisation’s procedures. If there is immediate danger, seek urgent help.
Use supervision, team discussions and appropriate staff support to process the impact of difficult situations. Where possible, share responsibility with colleagues rather than carrying concerns alone or thinking that you must always be available. Maintain professional boundaries around contact outside working hours and use agreed communication channels. If you notice that a young person’s needs are affecting your own wellbeing, this is a reason to seek support and review what help is available, not to ignore your own needs.
If you are struggling with your mental health, you can still take a young person’s concerns seriously while involving another suitable adult. You may say that you want to make sure they get the right support and explain who you will speak to next. Avoid sharing personal difficulties in a way that makes the young person feel responsible for you. If you are too distressed to respond safely or professionally, involve a colleague or safeguarding lead promptly. You can remain caring and respectful while recognising that another person may be better placed to help in that moment.
Myth Buster
Myth: I need to put my own mental health aside to support a young person
Truth: Your wellbeing matters too. Looking after yourself can help you respond more calmly and consistently, and seeking support does not mean you care any less
Myth: If a young person trusts me, I should be able to help them with everything
Truth: You can be an important source of support without having all the answers. Some concerns require help from other trusted adults, safeguarding professionals or mental health services
Myth: Asking someone else to help means I have let the young person down
Truth: Sharing responsibility can help a young person access the right support. Recognising when something is beyond your role or capacity is a strength, not a failure
Myth: If I am struggling with my own mental health, I cannot support a young person
Truth: You can still be caring and helpful while experiencing difficulties yourself. You may need to adapt what you can offer, seek support and involve another trusted adult when necessary
Myth: Taking a break from supporting others is selfish
Truth: Rest and boundaries are part of maintaining your wellbeing. You can care about someone while still needing time to recover, switch off and attend to your own needs
Myth: If a young person asks me to keep something secret, I must respect their wishes
Truth: It is important to respect a young person’s privacy, but you should not promise secrecy if there may be a risk of harm. Explain that you may need to involve someone who can help keep them safe, and follow appropriate safeguarding procedures
Support
There are several ways to access support if you are finding it difficult to balance your own mental health with supporting young people. You could speak to your GP, a trusted friend or family member, a counsellor or a relevant support service. Parents and guardians may find it helpful to speak with their child’s school, GP or local children and young people’s mental health service. Teachers and other professionals can access supervision, staff wellbeing services, occupational health or support through their organisation.
You do not need to wait until you are struggling significantly before asking for help. If your mental health is affecting your sleep, relationships, ability to work or capacity to support a young person, consider speaking to someone about what might help. If you are concerned about a young person’s wellbeing, you can seek advice even if you are unsure whether their difficulties are serious enough to need professional support.
If you are a professional, follow your organisation’s safeguarding procedures whenever you have concerns about a young person’s safety. If you are a parent or guardian, you can seek advice from a health professional or a service that supports families. If a young person is in immediate danger or needs urgent medical attention, call 999 or go to A&E. In England, you can also call NHS 111 and select the mental health option for urgent mental health advice.
Therapy interventions
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – CBT explores how thoughts, feelings and behaviours influence one another. It can help adults recognise unhelpful thinking patterns, manage stress and practise more balanced responses. For example, someone who feels they are failing as a parent or teacher might learn to challenge unrealistic expectations and identify what is within their control.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – ACT helps people make room for difficult feelings while taking action that reflects their values. For example, a youth worker might learn to acknowledge feelings of worry after a difficult conversation while maintaining appropriate boundaries and taking practical steps to access support.
- Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) – CFT helps people respond to themselves with greater understanding rather than harsh self-criticism. It may be useful for adults who feel guilty about becoming overwhelmed or believe they should always be able to cope.
- Mindfulness-based approaches – These approaches help people notice their thoughts, emotions and physical sensations in the present moment without immediately reacting to them. For example, taking a brief pause and noticing your breathing before responding to a stressful situation may help you respond more thoughtfully.
- Supportive counselling – Counselling provides a confidential space to explore feelings, responsibilities and difficult experiences with a trained professional. It can help parents, guardians and workers process the emotional impact of supporting a young person and consider what support or boundaries they need.
Helplines
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.giveusashout.org
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.samaritans.org
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a charity providing support for people who are struggling with their mental health or experiencing emotional distress. They support people with issues including low mood, anxiety, loneliness, stress, suicidal thoughts and difficult life experiences.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58
Opening times: 5pm–midnight, every day
Webchat: 5pm–midnight, every day
WhatsApp: Available through the CALM website
Website: http://www.thecalmzone.net
