Summary
Telephone anxiety refers to feelings of nervousness, fear or discomfort associated with making or receiving telephone calls. Someone may worry about having to speak without being able to see the other person’s facial expressions or body language, not knowing what the other person will say, struggling to find the right words or making a mistake during the conversation. For some people, the anxiety may be relatively mild, while for others it can become strong enough that they avoid calls altogether or experience significant distress when the phone rings.
Telephone anxiety can involve both emotional and physical responses. Someone may feel tense, embarrassed, overwhelmed or worried before or during a call, and may experience physical symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating, shaking, nausea or changes in breathing. They may repeatedly rehearse what they want to say, write down scripts or questions, delay making a call, let calls go to voicemail or ask someone else to make the call for them. These behaviours can provide temporary relief but may also reinforce the belief that telephone calls are something they cannot cope with.
Telephone anxiety can be linked to worries about being judged, misunderstood or rejected. Someone may be particularly concerned about sounding awkward, forgetting what they wanted to say, being unable to respond quickly or having an uncomfortable silence. Not being able to see the other person’s reactions can make it harder to interpret how the conversation is going, which may increase uncertainty. Previous negative experiences, criticism or difficult telephone conversations can also contribute to anxiety about making or receiving calls.
For some people, telephone anxiety may be associated with broader social anxiety, general anxiety, low confidence or difficulties with communication. However, feeling uncomfortable on the phone does not automatically mean that someone has an anxiety disorder. Some people may feel confident communicating face-to-face but find telephone conversations particularly difficult, while others may experience anxiety across a range of social situations.
Telephone anxiety can affect everyday life when it leads someone to avoid important calls or delay dealing with things that require telephone communication. This might include contacting healthcare services, making appointments, speaking to schools or workplaces, dealing with financial matters or maintaining relationships. Avoiding calls can sometimes provide immediate relief but may increase worry about the situation and make future calls feel even more difficult.
With appropriate support and gradual practice, many people can become more comfortable with telephone communication. Helpful strategies may include preparing key points beforehand, starting with shorter or less difficult calls, using written prompts and gradually approaching situations that cause anxiety. The aim is not necessarily to enjoy every telephone conversation, but to develop enough confidence and coping strategies to communicate when necessary without anxiety controlling everyday life.
How to help myself
Start by noticing what specifically makes telephone calls difficult for you. You might worry about being judged, not knowing what to say, forgetting important information, being unable to respond quickly or not being able to see the other person’s reaction. Understanding what you are worried about can help you identify which strategies are likely to be useful rather than treating all telephone anxiety in the same way.
Prepare for calls when this helps you feel more confident. Write down the main points you need to discuss, any questions you want to ask and important information you may need during the conversation. You could also write a short opening sentence to help you get started. Preparation can reduce the pressure of trying to remember everything while you are already feeling anxious.
Practise with manageable calls rather than expecting yourself to become comfortable immediately. You could start with a short call to someone you know well or a service where you already feel relatively comfortable, before gradually trying situations that feel more difficult. If possible, avoid always asking someone else to make calls for you, as this can provide short-term relief but may make telephone anxiety harder to overcome in the longer term.
Try to notice and challenge anxious predictions before making a call. You might expect yourself to sound awkward, make a mistake or be judged negatively, but these thoughts are not necessarily what will happen. Ask yourself what evidence you have for the worry and what you would say to someone else who was feeling the same way. Remind yourself that pauses, mistakes and asking someone to repeat themselves are normal parts of conversations.
Use practical supports while you are on the phone. You could have a glass of water nearby, sit somewhere quiet, use headphones if they make listening easier or keep your notes in front of you. If you do not understand something, it is okay to ask the other person to repeat or explain it. You can also ask whether information can be sent to you in writing if you need to remember important details.
If receiving calls makes you anxious, consider deciding which calls you will answer immediately and which can reasonably go to voicemail. Listening to a voicemail before returning a call can give you time to prepare. However, try not to use voicemail as a way of avoiding every call that makes you uncomfortable. Where possible, use it as a tool that gives you time to prepare rather than preventing you from making necessary calls.
Use breathing or grounding strategies if you notice your anxiety increasing during a call. Try slowing your breathing, relaxing your shoulders and keeping your attention on what the other person is actually saying rather than monitoring how you sound. Anxiety can make you focus heavily on yourself and how you think you are coming across, so gently bringing your attention back to the conversation can help.
After a difficult call, try not to repeatedly analyse everything you said. It is easy to replay conversations and focus on small mistakes or awkward moments, particularly when you are already worried about being judged. Instead, consider what went well, what you learned and what you might do differently next time. Remember that successfully making a call does not require the conversation to be perfect.
If telephone anxiety is regularly causing you to avoid important calls, affecting work, education, relationships or access to healthcare, consider speaking to someone you trust or seeking professional support. You do not need to wait until you are completely comfortable before taking steps towards managing telephone anxiety.
How to help a loved one
Try to understand what makes telephone calls difficult for them rather than assuming they are simply being shy or avoiding responsibility. They may worry about being judged, forgetting what they want to say, not knowing how to respond quickly or being unable to see the other person’s reactions. Ask what specifically makes calls difficult and listen without minimising their concerns.
Avoid making calls for them automatically, even when you know the call would be easier if you handled it yourself. Taking over can provide immediate relief but may unintentionally reinforce the idea that they cannot manage telephone conversations. Instead, ask whether they would like support preparing for the call, having someone nearby or practising what they want to say.
Help them prepare without making the preparation more complicated than necessary. You could help them write down key points, questions or important information they need to have available. For an important call, you could practise the opening of the conversation together or role-play possible questions so that the situation feels more predictable.
Encourage gradual progress rather than expecting them to suddenly become comfortable with every type of call. Someone might begin by making a short call to a familiar person before gradually working towards more difficult situations. Recognise the effort involved even when the call does not go perfectly. The aim is to build confidence and reduce avoidance rather than expecting them to feel completely calm.
Be patient if they need time to respond during a conversation. Avoid finishing their sentences, speaking for them or drawing attention to pauses. If they lose their train of thought, gently give them time to gather what they want to say. Remind them that asking someone to repeat themselves or clarify something is completely acceptable.
If they receive a call that they are not ready to answer, help them find a balance between giving themselves time to prepare and avoiding every difficult call. For example, they might listen to a voicemail, make some notes and return the call when they feel more prepared. Support should help them manage anxiety rather than becoming a way of avoiding telephone communication altogether.
Try not to criticise or tease them about their anxiety. Comments such as “it’s only a phone call” or “just answer it” may seem reassuring but can make them feel misunderstood. Instead, acknowledge that the situation feels difficult for them and ask what would make it more manageable.
After a call, avoid focusing only on anything that went awkwardly. Ask what went well and what they learned, rather than encouraging them to repeatedly analyse everything they said. Remind them that telephone conversations do not need to be perfect and that small mistakes, pauses and misunderstandings are normal.
If telephone anxiety is significantly affecting their ability to access healthcare, education, work, finances, relationships or other important parts of life, encourage them to seek support. You could offer to help them speak to a GP or another professional, while respecting their independence and allowing them to decide what support they want.
Myth Buster
Myth: Telephone anxiety means someone is just shy
Truth: Telephone anxiety can involve significant fear, worry or physical symptoms, and someone may find phone calls difficult even if they are comfortable communicating in other situations
Myth: If someone can talk to people face-to-face, they should be able to talk on the phone
Truth: Telephone conversations involve different demands, such as communicating without facial expressions or body language, responding without much time to prepare and managing uncertainty about what the other person will say
Myth: Telephone anxiety means someone does not want to speak to people
Truth: Someone may want to communicate and maintain relationships but find telephone conversations particularly difficult because of anxiety
Myth: You just need to make the call and get it over with
Truth: Avoidance can make anxiety stronger over time, but forcing someone into a situation without preparation or support may also feel overwhelming. Gradual practice can help someone build confidence at a manageable pace
Myth: You have to answer every phone call immediately
Truth: It is okay to let a call go to voicemail when you need time to prepare or are unable to answer. The important thing is not allowing anxiety to prevent you from making necessary calls altogether
Myth: People will notice every mistake you make on the phone
Truth: Pauses, mistakes, asking someone to repeat themselves and losing your train of thought are normal parts of conversations. Other people are often less focused on these moments than someone experiencing telephone anxiety may expect
Myth: Writing a script means you are bad at communicating
Truth: Notes, scripts and prompts can be useful tools that make telephone conversations more manageable. Using support does not mean that someone is incapable of communicating independently
Myth: Telephone anxiety is only a problem if someone has an anxiety disorder
Truth: Someone can experience telephone anxiety without having a diagnosed anxiety disorder. It may still be worth seeking support if it is significantly affecting their everyday life
Myth: Telephone anxiety will never get better
Truth: With appropriate support, gradual practice and strategies that make calls more manageable, many people can become more confident with telephone communication
Support
If telephone anxiety is affecting your everyday life, it can be helpful to speak to someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, teacher, employer, university support service or another trusted person who can listen without judgement and help you think about what might make telephone communication more manageable.
A GP or other healthcare professional can provide support if telephone anxiety is becoming difficult to manage or is stopping you from accessing important services, attending appointments or dealing with everyday responsibilities. They can explore whether your anxiety is part of a wider difficulty and consider whether further support or referral may be appropriate.
Support may also be available through education. If telephone communication is particularly difficult, reasonable adjustments may sometimes be possible depending on the situation. This could include communicating by email or written messages where appropriate, having additional time to prepare for important conversations or being given information in writing after a telephone discussion.
Practical support from family and friends can also make calls feel more manageable. Someone could help you prepare what you want to say, practise a conversation with you or remain nearby while you make an important call. However, support should ideally help you build confidence rather than taking over every call for you.
If telephone anxiety is connected to wider difficulties such as social anxiety, low self-esteem or fear of being judged, psychological support may be helpful. Therapy can provide a space to understand what is maintaining the anxiety and gradually develop strategies for managing situations that currently feel difficult.
You do not need to wait until telephone anxiety is severely affecting your life before seeking support. If avoiding calls is making it difficult to access healthcare, education, work, finances or relationships, asking for help can be an important step towards making communication more manageable.
Therapy interventions
Therapy can be helpful when telephone anxiety is persistent, causes significant distress or leads to avoidance that affects someone’s everyday life. The most appropriate approach will depend on what is contributing to the anxiety and whether it occurs alongside difficulties such as social anxiety, general anxiety or low self-esteem.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – Can help someone identify and challenge anxious thoughts about telephone conversations, such as fears of being judged, making mistakes or not knowing what to say. It can also involve gradually approaching feared telephone situations rather than relying on avoidance or reassurance.
- Exposure Therapy – Involves gradually and repeatedly approaching telephone situations that cause anxiety in a planned and manageable way. This can help someone learn that they can cope with the anxiety and that feared outcomes may not occur.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – Can help someone make space for anxious thoughts and physical sensations while focusing on taking actions that are consistent with their values, rather than allowing anxiety to determine whether they make or receive a call.
- Social Skills Training – Can support someone to develop practical communication skills and confidence, such as starting conversations, asking for clarification, managing pauses and ending calls appropriately.
- Counselling – Provides a supportive space to explore experiences that may have contributed to telephone anxiety, including previous difficult interactions, fear of judgement, low confidence or wider social difficulties.
- Psychoeducation – Can help someone understand how anxiety, avoidance and reassurance-seeking can interact and maintain telephone anxiety, while identifying practical strategies for managing calls.
- Role-Play and Behavioural Practice – Can provide opportunities to practise telephone conversations in a supportive environment before approaching real-life calls, helping someone become more familiar with situations they currently find difficult.
Helplines
NHS 111 (Option 2)
NHS 111 is an NHS service providing urgent medical and mental health advice and support. It can help with mental health concerns, emotional distress, anxiety, low mood, suicidal thoughts and other urgent health problems.
Phone: For mental health support, call 111 and select the mental health option (option 2).
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.samaritans.org
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.giveusashout.org
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a charity providing support for people who are struggling with their mental health or experiencing emotional distress. They support people with issues including low mood, anxiety, loneliness, stress, suicidal thoughts and difficult life experiences.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58
Opening times: 5pm–midnight, every day
Webchat: 5pm–midnight, every day
WhatsApp: Available through the CALM website
Website: www.thecalmzone.net
