Summary
Self-harm is when someone deliberately hurts themselves or puts themselves at risk as a way of coping with difficult thoughts, feelings, experiences or situations. It can happen for many different reasons, and there is no single reason why someone self-harms. People may self-harm when they feel overwhelmed, distressed, angry, anxious, numb, disconnected or unable to cope with what is happening around them.
Self-harm can take many forms. This might include cutting, scratching, hitting or punching yourself, burning yourself, interfering with wounds, pulling out hair, deliberately putting yourself in unsafe situations, or other behaviours that cause injury or harm. It can also include behaviours that may not immediately look like self-harm but involve deliberately putting your health or safety at risk. Not everyone who self-harms will experience visible injuries, and you cannot always tell that someone is self-harming by looking at them.
People may self-harm for different reasons, including trying to manage intense emotions, release emotional pressure, communicate that they are struggling, regain a sense of control, punish themselves, interrupt overwhelming thoughts, cope with feelings of numbness or disconnection, or feel something when they feel emotionally empty. For some people, self-harm can become a way of responding to situations that feel unbearable because it provides a short-term change in how they feel.
Self-harm can sometimes provide temporary relief. For example, someone may notice that their emotional distress feels less intense immediately afterwards. However, the underlying problem or emotion is still there, and difficult feelings may return. Over time, this can create a cycle where distress leads to an urge to self-harm, self-harm provides short-term relief, and the person then experiences feelings such as guilt, shame, worry or regret. This can make it harder to find other ways of coping.
Someone may experience an urge to self-harm very suddenly, while for others the urge builds gradually. You might notice changes in your thoughts, emotions, body or behaviour beforehand. You may feel increasingly tense, restless, angry, anxious, empty or disconnected. You might find it harder to think clearly, want to withdraw from other people or feel as though you need to do something immediately to make the feelings stop.
There can also be warning signs that an urge is building. These are different for everyone, but might include mood changes, becoming quieter or more irritable, withdrawing from usual activities, feeling overwhelmed by everyday problems, experiencing strong self-critical thoughts or finding it difficult to regulate emotions. Learning to recognise your own early warning signs can make it easier to put coping strategies in place before an urge becomes stronger.
Self-harm does not always mean that someone wants to die. Some people who self-harm do not experience suicidal thoughts at all, while others may experience both self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Someone’s intentions can also change over time or from one episode to another. Because self-harm can cause serious injury or become life-threatening, it should always be taken seriously, even when there is no intention to die.
Self-harm can affect people of any age and background. It can occur alongside difficulties such as anxiety, depression, trauma, low self-esteem, difficulties with emotional regulation or stressful life experiences, but someone does not need to have a mental health diagnosis to self-harm. It can also be influenced by relationship difficulties, bullying, loneliness, family conflict, school or work pressures, grief, abuse, major life changes or feeling unable to ask for help.
People who self-harm may worry about being judged, punished or misunderstood. They may hide injuries, avoid talking about what is happening or feel ashamed afterwards. This can make it difficult to reach out for support. Responding with curiosity and compassion rather than criticism can make it easier for someone to talk honestly about what they are experiencing.
How to help myself
If you self-harm, it can be difficult to know what to do when an urge appears. You do not have to manage everything at once. The first step can be getting through the next few minutes safely and giving yourself time for the intensity of the urge to change.
Notice what happens before an urge to self-harm. You could keep a simple note of what was happening, how you were feeling, what you were thinking and what you needed at the time. Over time, this may help you identify patterns or triggers and recognise your early warning signs.
When an urge feels strong, try creating some space between the feeling and the action. You could move to a different room, spend time with someone you trust, go somewhere you feel safe, listen to music, watch something familiar or focus on an activity that requires your attention. You could also use grounding strategies, such as naming things you can see and hear around you, holding something with a familiar texture or using slow, comfortable breathing.
Different emotions may need different responses. If you feel full of anger or energy, movement such as walking, stretching, dancing or exercising may help you release some of that energy safely. If you feel overwhelmed, reducing noise and stimulation and finding somewhere calm may help. If you feel numb or disconnected, sensory activities such as holding something cold, smelling a familiar scent or listening to music may help you reconnect with the present moment.
Try using activities that keep your hands and attention occupied. Drawing, writing, gaming, cooking, crafts, puzzles, playing an instrument or spending time with a pet can provide something else to focus on while an urge passes. The aim is not to pretend that the difficult feeling is not there, but to give yourself another way of getting through it.
Tell someone you trust when things are becoming difficult. You do not have to explain everything at once. You could simply say, “I’m having a difficult time, and I don’t want to be on my own right now.” If talking feels too difficult, you could send a text or write down what you are experiencing.
Make a plan for difficult moments when you are feeling calmer. Include your warning signs, people you can contact, places where you feel safe, coping strategies that work for you and professional support you can access. Keep the plan somewhere easy to find so you do not have to think of everything while you are distressed.
Make your environment safer where you can. If there are things you usually use to hurt yourself, consider asking a trusted person to help you store them safely or make them less accessible. You do not have to do this alone.
Try not to judge yourself if you self-harm again. Recovery is not always a straight line, and a setback does not mean that you have failed. Instead, think about what was happening before the urge and what support might help next time.
If self-harm is becoming difficult to manage, speak to a GP, school or college, or mental health professional. They can help you understand why you are struggling and develop a plan for managing difficult emotions and urges. If you have seriously injured yourself, taken an overdose or feel unable to keep yourself safe, seek urgent medical help through 999 or A&E.
How to help a loved one
You do not need to have all the answers or immediately fix the situation. You could say, “I’m glad you told me” or “I’m here with you.” Give them time to talk and avoid pressuring them to explain everything. If talking feels difficult for them, offer alternatives such as texting or writing things down.
Try to understand what self-harm does for them. You can gently ask what they notice before and after an urge, what situations make things harder and what helps them feel safer. Avoid asking for unnecessary details about how they self-harm, as the focus should be on their feelings, needs and safety.
Take any self-harm seriously without making the person feel ashamed. Avoid threats, punishment, criticism or comments that suggest they are doing it for attention. Even if you do not understand why they self-harm, their distress is real, and they deserve support.
Work together to identify alternatives that might help during difficult moments. This could include spending time together, going for a walk, listening to music, watching something familiar, using grounding strategies or moving somewhere quieter. Ask what they would find helpful rather than assuming you know what they need.
Support them to make a safety plan when they are calm. This could include their warning signs, coping strategies, trusted people they can contact and professional services they can access. If appropriate, help make the environment safer by supporting them to store anything they might use to hurt themselves somewhere less accessible.
Encourage professional support rather than trying to manage everything yourself. You could help them contact their GP, school, college or mental health service, offer to go with them to an appointment or help them write down what they want to say. If they are reluctant to seek help, continue offering support without turning every conversation into a discussion about self-harm.
Ask directly about suicide if you are concerned. Talking about suicide does not put the idea into someone’s head. If they tell you they are thinking about suicide, have seriously injured themselves, taken an overdose, or you believe they are in immediate danger, seek urgent help through 999 or A&E. You can also contact NHS 111 for urgent mental health support.
Remember to look after yourself too. Supporting someone who self-harms can be emotionally exhausting, and you do not have to be their only source of support. Speak to someone you trust and seek professional advice if you are worried about how to support them.
Myth Buster
Myth: “People who self-harm are just looking for attention.”
Truth: Self-harm is often a way of coping with significant emotional distress. Even when someone wants other people to notice that they are struggling, this does not make their distress any less real or deserving of support.
Myth: “Self-harm always means someone wants to die.”
Truth: Self-harm does not always involve suicidal thoughts or an intention to die. However, self-harm can be associated with suicide risk, so it should always be taken seriously.
Myth: “If someone really wanted to stop self-harming, they would just stop.”
Truth: Self-harm can become an established way of coping with difficult emotions, making urges difficult to manage. Stopping can take time and may require alternative coping strategies and professional support.
Myth: “Talking about self-harm will encourage someone to do it more.”
Truth: Calm, non-judgemental conversations can help someone feel less alone and make it easier for them to seek support. You do not need to ask for unnecessary details about how they self-harm.
Myth: “You can always tell when someone self-harms.”
Truth: Self-harm is often hidden, and someone may go to great lengths to cover injuries or keep their difficulties private. You cannot always tell from someone’s appearance or behaviour.
Myth: “Self-harm is just a phase that young people grow out of.”
Truth: Self-harm can affect people of different ages and can become a pattern of coping that is difficult to change without support. Early support can help someone develop safer ways of managing distress.
Myth: “If someone has stopped self-harming, they no longer need support.”
Truth: Stopping self-harm is a positive step, but the difficulties that contributed to it may still be present. Ongoing support can help someone maintain their progress and develop other ways of coping.
Support
If you are self-harming, you deserve support and you do not need to wait until things become overwhelming before asking for help. Self-harm is often a sign that something is difficult to manage, and understanding what is behind the behaviour can help you find other ways of coping.
Start by talking to someone you trust, such as a parent, friend, teacher or another trusted adult. You do not have to explain everything at once. You could write it down or send a message if talking feels too difficult. Let them know what you need from them, such as listening, helping you stay safe or supporting you to find professional help.
A GP can help you understand what you are experiencing and discuss appropriate support. Children and young people may also be able to access support through their school or college, local mental health services or Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). A mental health professional can help you understand your triggers, manage difficult emotions, reduce self-harm and develop safer coping strategies.
If you are supporting someone who self-harms, you do not have to manage this alone either. You can seek advice from a GP, school, college or mental health professional about how best to support them.
If you have seriously injured yourself, taken an overdose or feel unable to keep yourself safe, seek urgent medical help. Call 999 or go to A&E if there is an immediate risk of serious harm. You can also call NHS 111 for urgent mental health support.
Therapy interventions
Therapy can help you understand what is behind self-harm, recognise triggers, manage difficult emotions and develop safer ways of coping. The type of support offered will depend on your individual needs, age and circumstances.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – CBT can help you understand the links between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It can support you to recognise patterns that lead to self-harm and practise alternative ways of responding to difficult situations.
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – DBT focuses on managing intense emotions, tolerating distress, improving relationships and developing practical skills to manage urges to self-harm.
- Mentalisation-Based Therapy (MBT) – MBT can help you understand your own thoughts, feelings and behaviours, as well as those of other people. This can support emotional regulation and relationships.
- Emotion Regulation Support – Therapy may focus on recognising emotions earlier, understanding what triggers them and learning strategies to manage them without self-harm. This can include grounding, problem-solving and distress-tolerance skills.
- Family Therapy – Family therapy can help families understand self-harm, improve communication and develop ways of supporting each other. This can be particularly helpful for children and young people.
Helplines
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
Kooth
Kooth is a free online mental health and wellbeing service for young people. It offers a safe and confidential space where young people can access information, read helpful resources, take part in online discussions and receive support from trained professionals. Kooth can help with all sorts of issues that may affect young people’s mental health and wellbeing, including stress, anxiety, relationships, bullying, family difficulties, low mood and other challenges they may be experiencing.
Website: www.kooth.com
Online support: Available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Live chat with a practitioner: 12 pm–10 pm Monday to Friday; 6 pm–10 pm Saturday and Sunday
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.giveusashout.org
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.samaritans.org
Hub of Hope
Hub of Hope is a mental health support database that brings together information about a wide range of mental health services and organisations. It covers support for issues such as anxiety, depression, stress, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, addiction, bereavement and other mental health difficulties.
Website: http://www.hubofhope.co.uk
Opening times: Online service available 24 hours a day
SOS Silence of Suicide
SOS Silence of Suicide is a charity providing emotional support for people experiencing mental health difficulties, emotional distress, suicidal thoughts or other challenges that may feel difficult to talk about.
Phone: 0808 115 1505
Opening times: Monday–Friday, 8 pm–midnight; Saturday–Sunday, 4 pm–midnight
Website: www.silenceofsuicidesos.org.uk
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a charity providing support for people who are struggling with their mental health or experiencing emotional distress. They support people with issues including low mood, anxiety, loneliness, stress, suicidal thoughts and difficult life experiences.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58
Opening times: 5pm–midnight, every day
Webchat: 5pm–midnight, every day
WhatsApp: Available through the CALM website
Website: http://www.thecalmzone.net
Support For Us 