Physical Abuse

Summary

Physical abuse is when someone deliberately uses physical force to hurt, injure, frighten, intimidate or control another person. It can happen to children, young people and adults, and it can happen in any type of relationship. Physical abuse is never the person’s fault, and nobody has the right to hurt someone else, regardless of what has happened or how angry they feel.

Physical abuse does not always mean that someone is seriously injured. It can include anything from pushing or grabbing someone to causing serious injuries. Sometimes there may be visible marks, such as bruises or cuts, but physical abuse can also happen without leaving obvious injuries. The important thing is what someone has deliberately done to another person, rather than whether there is physical evidence.

Where can physical abuse happen?

Physical abuse can happen anywhere, including places where someone would normally expect to feel safe. This could include:

  • At home or in another family member’s home
  • At school, college or university
  • In a workplace
  • In a care or residential setting
  • In a relationship or dating relationship
  • At a friend’s or partner’s home
  • In the community or public places
  • During social activities or nights out
  • In situations where someone is receiving care or support
  • During arguments or conflicts between family members, friends or partners

It can happen in private or in front of other people. Sometimes other people may notice what is happening, while at other times the abuse may be hidden from everyone else.

Who can physically abuse someone?

Physical abuse can be carried out by someone the person knows, trusts or depends on, as well as by someone they do not know. This could include a

  • Parent or step-parent
  • Brother, sister or other family member
  • Partner or ex-partner
  • Friend or peer
  • Carer or support worker
  • Teacher or another adult in a position of responsibility
  • Another young person
  • Stranger or someone known in the community

The person causing the harm may be older, the same age or younger than the person experiencing it. They may also be someone who is seen by other people as caring, kind or trustworthy. This can make physical abuse particularly difficult to talk about.

What can physical abuse look like?

Physical abuse can take many different forms. It can include:

  • Hitting, punching or slapping
  • Kicking or pushing
  • Pulling someone’s hair
  • Biting, scratching or pinching
  • Shaking someone
  • Grabbing, holding or restraining someone inappropriately
  • Throwing someone or deliberately knocking them over
  • Throwing objects at someone
  • Using an object to hurt someone
  • Burning or scalding someone
  • Choking or strangling someone
  • Deliberately causing another physical injury
  • Deliberately preventing someone from getting medical attention after an injury
  • Using physical force to stop someone leaving, moving away or getting help

Physical abuse can also involve threatening physical violence or using someone’s fear of being hurt to control them. For example, someone might raise a fist, block a doorway, smash objects or threaten to hurt someone if they do not do what they are told.

Physical abuse and control

Physical abuse can sometimes be part of a wider pattern of power and control. A person may use physical violence alongside threats, intimidation, isolation or emotional abuse to make someone feel frightened and less able to speak up or leave. For example, someone might become physically aggressive when they are challenged, use violence to stop someone from leaving a room, or threaten to hurt someone if they tell another person what is happening.

This can make a person feel that they have to change their behaviour to avoid being hurt. They may constantly think about what might make the other person angry or try to keep the peace. It is the person using the abuse who is responsible for their behaviour.

What might physical abuse look or feel like?

Someone experiencing physical abuse may have:

  • Bruises, cuts or scratches
  • Burns or other injuries
  • Swelling or pain
  • Injuries that happen repeatedly
  • Injuries that they find difficult to explain
  • Injuries that do not seem to match the explanation given

However, there does not have to be an obvious injury for physical abuse to have happened.

A young person may also experience emotional effects. They might feel frightened, anxious, angry, embarrassed, confused or constantly on edge. They may become more withdrawn, avoid certain people or places, have difficulty sleeping, struggle to concentrate or become worried about making someone angry.

Some people may appear completely fine to others. They may continue going to school, work or social activities while privately struggling with what is happening.

Why might someone not tell anyone?

There are many reasons why someone experiencing physical abuse might not tell another person. They might:

  • Be frightened that the abuse will get worse
  • Worry about what will happen to the person hurting them
  • Feel embarrassed or ashamed
  • Think nobody will believe them
  • Worry about being blamed
  • Feel responsible for what has happened
  • Love or care about the person who is hurting them
  • Depend on the person for somewhere to live, money, care or other support
  • Be worried about their family or what might happen if they speak up
  • Have been told to keep what is happening a secret
  • Believe that the abuse is normal because they have experienced it for a long time

It can be particularly difficult to recognise abuse when the person causing the harm is someone you love or someone you rely on. Caring about someone does not mean that you have to accept being hurt by them.

Physical abuse is not the same as discipline

Sometimes physical abuse is described as “discipline”, “teaching someone a lesson” or “just trying to control their behaviour”. However, deliberately hurting, frightening or injuring someone is not made acceptable simply by giving it another name. Being angry, frustrated or upset does not give someone the right to physically hurt another person. Everyone has a responsibility for how they behave when they are angry.

How to help myself

If someone is physically hurting you, your safety is the most important thing. You are not responsible for stopping someone else’s abusive behaviour, and you do not have to deal with it on your own.

Try to tell a trusted adult or someone who makes you feel safe about what is happening. This could be a family member, teacher, school or college staff member, GP, social worker, youth worker, counsellor or another adult you trust. You do not need to explain everything perfectly. You could start by saying, “Someone is hurting me, and I don’t know what to do” or “I’m worried about something that is happening at home.” If talking feels too difficult, you could write it down, send a message or show someone this leaflet.

If you think someone might hurt you, try to move towards a safer place where other people are around, if you can do this safely. This could be a trusted person’s home, school, college, a neighbour’s home or another safe public place. However, you do not need to put yourself at greater risk by trying to escape or confront the person. If you are in immediate danger, call 999 or ask someone nearby to get help.

If the abuse is happening repeatedly, it may help to think about who you could contact if you become frightened, where you could go if you need somewhere safer, and which adults you trust. You can make a safety plan with a trusted adult or professional so that you do not have to work everything out by yourself.

If you have been injured, it is okay to get medical help. You can speak to a GP or another healthcare professional about what has happened. If you have a serious or life-threatening injury, seek emergency medical help. You can tell a healthcare professional that someone caused your injury if you feel able to, and you can ask to speak to them privately.

It can take time to feel ready to talk about physical abuse. You might feel frightened, embarrassed, confused, angry or worried about what will happen if you tell someone. You may also worry that people will not believe you. These feelings are understandable. If you tell someone and they do not respond in the way you hoped, try telling another trusted adult. You deserve to be listened to and supported.

Looking after yourself emotionally is important too. Physical abuse can affect how safe you feel, your confidence, sleep, concentration and relationships with other people. Try to spend time with people who make you feel safe and supported and continue doing activities that help you feel calm, grounded or connected to people you trust. Talking to someone about how you are feeling can also help you process what has happened.

How to help a loved one

If someone you care about is experiencing physical abuse, one of the most helpful things you can do is listen and let them know you believe them. They may find it difficult to talk about what has happened, especially if they are frightened, embarrassed, confused or worried about what might happen if other people find out. Try to listen without judging, blaming or asking lots of questions. You could say things like, “I’m glad you told me,” “I believe you,” “This isn’t your fault” or “I’m here to support you.”

Try not to pressure them to talk about anything they are not ready to share. They may need time to understand what has happened or decide what they want to do next. Avoid telling them what they must do or blaming them for staying in a situation where they are being hurt. Instead, ask what would feel helpful and support them to make choices that keep them as safe as possible.

If you are worried that they may be in immediate danger, help them access appropriate support rather than confronting the person who is hurting them yourself. Confronting the person or trying to investigate what is happening could increase the risk to your loved one. If they are in immediate danger, emergency help may be needed.

You can also offer practical support. You might help them contact a trusted adult or professional, go with them to an appointment, help them write down what they want to say, or help them think about where they could go if they do not feel safe. If they have been injured, you can encourage them to seek medical attention and offer to go with them if this would make them feel more comfortable.

Remember that you are there to support them, not to solve everything for them. You cannot control another person’s behaviour or guarantee what will happen next. Encourage your loved one to speak to people who can provide appropriate support, such as a trusted adult, school or college staff member, healthcare professional, social worker or another professional who can help keep them safe.

Continue to treat them like themselves rather than allowing the abuse to become the only thing you talk about. Spending time together, doing normal activities and giving them opportunities to relax can be valuable. At the same time, respect their boundaries if they do not want to talk or spend time together.

Supporting someone who is experiencing abuse can also be difficult for you. You might feel angry, frightened, helpless or unsure what to do. It is okay to seek support for yourself too, while respecting your loved one’s privacy and not sharing their personal information unnecessarily.

Myth Buster

Myth: “If there are no bruises or marks, it isn’t physical abuse.”
Truth: Physical abuse does not always leave visible injuries. Someone can be hurt, frightened or physically controlled without having bruises, cuts or other obvious marks. The absence of visible injuries does not mean that what happened was okay or that it should be ignored.

Myth: “If someone is being physically abused, they will tell someone.”
Truth: Many children and young people find it very difficult to tell someone about abuse. They might be frightened about what will happen, worry that nobody will believe them, feel embarrassed or ashamed, worry that the abuse will get worse, or not realise that what is happening is abuse. Some people may give small hints or indirect clues before they feel ready to talk openly. You do not have to wait for someone to tell you directly before taking concerns seriously.

Myth: “They said they were only joking, so it wasn’t abuse.”
Truth: Calling something a joke does not make physical harm acceptable. If someone deliberately hurts, frightens or uses physical force against another person, saying it was “just a joke” does not remove the harm caused. Healthy joking should not involve deliberately hurting someone or ignoring their boundaries when they ask for something to stop.

Myth: “You would always know if someone was being physically abused.”
Truth: Physical abuse is not always obvious. There may be no visible injuries, and someone experiencing abuse may hide what is happening or behave differently around other people. They might seem withdrawn, anxious, frightened or unusually quiet, but these signs can also have other explanations. It is important to consider changes in behaviour alongside other concerns rather than assuming you know what is happening.

Myth: “If someone doesn’t tell you the whole story, they must be making it up.”
Truth: Talking about abuse can be difficult, and a young person may only share part of what has happened at first. They might not have the words to explain everything, may feel frightened or confused, or may need time before they feel able to say more. Partial or indirect disclosures should still be taken seriously.

Myth: “If someone has done something wrong, they deserve to be physically hurt.”
Truth: Nobody deserves to be physically abused. Being angry, breaking a rule, arguing with someone or making a mistake does not give another person the right to deliberately hurt them. The person using physical violence is responsible for their behaviour.

Myth: “Physical abuse only happens when someone is seriously injured.”
Truth: Physical abuse can involve many different forms of deliberate physical harm, including hitting, kicking, pushing, shaking, biting, burning or using an object to hurt someone. It does not have to result in a serious injury before it should be taken seriously.

Support

If you are experiencing physical abuse, or you are worried that someone else may be experiencing it, you do not have to deal with it alone. Different people and services can listen, help you understand what is happening and support you to stay safe.

You can speak to a trusted adult, such as a parent or family member you trust, teacher, school or college staff member, youth worker, social worker or another adult you feel comfortable talking to. If you are unsure who to tell, you can start with someone you already feel safe with and ask them to help you find the right support.

You can also speak to a healthcare professional, such as your GP, nurse or another healthcare worker. They can listen to your concerns, provide treatment if you have been injured and help you access other services where needed.

If you are under 18 and someone is hurting you or you are worried about your safety, you can also get support from children’s safeguarding services. You do not need to be certain that what is happening is abuse before asking for advice. You can tell someone about your concerns and let them help you work out what to do next.

If you are experiencing physical abuse from a partner or family member, domestic abuse services can provide confidential advice and support. Domestic abuse is not only about adults or married couples – young people can also experience abuse within dating or family relationships.

If you are worried about talking face-to-face, you may be able to access support by phone, text, online chat or online resources. Some services allow you to remain anonymous when asking for advice.

If you are in immediate danger or have been seriously injured, call 999 or go somewhere safe and ask someone you trust to get help.

Therapy interventions

Experiencing physical abuse can affect how safe you feel, how you see yourself and how you relate to other people. You might experience anxiety, low mood, fear, anger, difficulties trusting others, nightmares, difficulty sleeping or feeling constantly on edge. Therapy can provide a safe space to talk about what has happened, understand your feelings and develop ways of coping. Therapy is not your fault or responsibility for the abuse, and you do not need to be “fixed”. The person who caused the harm is responsible for their behaviour.

The type of support offered will depend on your age, experiences and what you are struggling with. A mental health professional may use approaches such as:

  • Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT): Helps you understand how experiences of abuse can affect your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It can help you develop coping skills and gradually work through traumatic experiences in a safe and supported way.
  • Trauma-focused therapy: Helps you understand and process difficult or frightening experiences and reduce the emotional impact they may still be having.
  • Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR): Can be used to help people process traumatic memories that continue to cause distress. It uses specific techniques to help the brain process these memories differently.
  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps you explore connections between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours and develop healthier ways of responding to difficult situations.
  • Emotion regulation and coping skills: Therapy may help you recognise strong emotions and learn practical strategies for managing fear, anger, anxiety, distress or feeling overwhelmed.
  • Attachment-based approaches: If abuse has affected your ability to trust or feel safe with other people, therapy may help you understand relationships and develop safer, more secure ways of connecting with others.

You might not need a specific type of therapy, and you may be offered a different approach depending on your needs. A mental health professional can work with you to decide what type of support would be most helpful.

Helplines

Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.

Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk

For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted 

NSPCC

NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge)

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is a service run by Refuge providing free, confidential support for women experiencing domestic abuse. It covers physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse, coercive control, safety planning and finding safe accommodation.

Phone: 0808 2000 247
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Live chat: Monday–Friday, 10 am–10 pm; Saturday–Sunday, 10 am–6 pm
Website: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Women’s Aid

Women’s Aid is a charity working to end domestic abuse and support women and children affected by it. They provide information, resources and access to specialist domestic abuse services, covering issues including physical abuse, emotional abuse, coercive control, safety and housing.

Phone: 0808 2000 247 – National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge)
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Website: www.womensaid.org.uk

Karma Nirvana

Karma Nirvana is a charity providing free and confidential support for people affected by Honour Based Abuse (HBA) and forced marriage. They support people experiencing physical or emotional abuse, controlling behaviour, threats, forced marriage and concerns about family or community pressure.

Phone: 0800 5999 247
Opening times: 9am–5pm, Monday–Friday
Email: Available through their website
Website: www.karmanirvana.org.uk

Rape Crisis England & Wales

Rape Crisis England & Wales is a charity providing free, specialist support for people affected by rape, sexual assault, sexual abuse, sexual harassment and other forms of sexual violence. They provide emotional support, counselling, advocacy and information for victims and survivors.

Phone: 0808 500 2222
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Online chat: Available 24 hours a day
Website: www.rapecrisis.org.uk
Age: 16+ for the national Support Line

Victim Support

Victim Support is an independent charity providing free, confidential support for people affected by crime and traumatic incidents. They support people affected by issues including bullying, abuse, sexual violence, domestic abuse, hate crime and other crimes.

Phone: 0808 1689 111
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Live chat: Available 24 hours a day
Website: www.victimsupport.org.uk

The Mix 

The Mix is a charity providing free information, advice and support for young people on all sorts of issues that can affect their lives and wellbeing. This includes mental health, relationships, money, housing, work and education, drugs and alcohol, bullying, social media, family difficulties and many other challenges. They offer information and practical advice to help young people understand what they are going through, make informed decisions and find further support when they need it. 

Phone: 0808 808 4994
Opening times: 11 am–11 pm, 7 days a week
Website: http://www.themix.org.uk
Crisis Messenger: Text THEMIX to 85258 – available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

YoungMinds

YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services. 

Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/

Samaritans

Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.

Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.samaritans.org

Shout

Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.

Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.giveusashout.org