Peer Pressure

Summary

Peer pressure is when you feel pushed, encouraged or expected to do something because of other people. It can come from friends, classmates, people you meet online, or groups you want to be part of. Peer pressure isn’t always someone directly telling you what to do. Sometimes it can be indirect.

You might see people around you doing something and feel like you should do it too so that you fit in. Social media can make this stronger by showing you what other people are doing and creating the feeling that “everyone else is doing it.” You are allowed to make your own choices. You don’t have to do something just because other people are doing it.

You might experience peer pressure about:

Alcohol, smoking, vaping or drugs
Sex, relationships or physical intimacy
Appearance, clothes, makeup or body image
Social media, posting photos or sharing personal information
Gaming or online behaviour
Money or spending
Schoolwork, cheating or breaking rules
Bullying or excluding someone
Trying things that could be unsafe or illegal
Changing how you behave, talk or dress to fit in

Peer pressure can sometimes be positive. Friends might encourage you to try something new, join a club, study for an exam or look after yourself. The important difference is whether you feel you have a genuine choice. Healthy friendships allow you to say no without being threatened, embarrassed or excluded.

You might notice peer pressure making you feel anxious, uncomfortable, guilty, worried about being left out, or like you have to prove yourself. You may find yourself doing things you don’t really want to do because you’re worried about what other people will think.

Peer pressure can happen anywhere you spend time with other people, including:

At school or college in classrooms, during breaks or around other students.
With friends at someone’s home, when you’re out together or at parties.
Online on social media, group chats, gaming platforms and online communities.
In sports or clubs through teammates, coaches or other people in a group.
At work through colleagues or other young people you work with.
In relationships from a partner or someone you’re dating.
In your local community from people you know or spend time around.
At parties or social events where you might feel pressure to drink, take drugs, have sex or do something risky.
Within friendship groups where you may feel pressure to dress, talk, behave or spend money in a certain way.

You can also experience indirect peer pressure online, even when nobody is directly asking you to do something. Seeing what other people post can create the feeling that you need to behave a certain way to fit in.

How can I tell if I’m being peer pressured?

Peer pressure can be difficult to notice, especially when it comes from people you like or trust. It might not always look like someone directly telling you what to do. You might notice that you feel like you have to do something to fit in, avoid being left out, or keep your friends happy.

You might be experiencing peer pressure if:

You feel like you can’t say no without losing friends or being judged.
Someone keeps asking you to do something after you’ve said no.
You feel pressured to do something that makes you uncomfortable or goes against your values.
You change how you act, dress, speak or behave because you’re worried about what others will think.
You feel like you need to prove yourself to your friends.
You are worried about being left out if you don’t join in.
Someone uses teasing, guilt, threats or embarrassment to get you to do something.
You find yourself thinking “I don’t actually want to do this, but everyone else is doing it.”
You feel anxious, uncomfortable or upset before, during or after spending time with certain people.

A useful question to ask yourself is, “If nobody else was doing this, would I still want to?”. If the answer is no, it might be worth taking a step back and thinking about whether you’re being pressured.

How to help myself

Pay attention to how you feel around certain people or situations. If you often feel nervous, uncomfortable, guilty or worried about being judged, this could be a sign that you are feeling pressured. Your feelings can be useful clues that something isn’t right for you. You don’t have to make a decision straight away. If someone is pressuring you, try saying “I’ll think about it”, “I need some time” or “I’ll let you know later.” Stepping away from the situation can make it easier to work out what you actually want.

Saying no:

Saying no can feel difficult, especially when you want to fit in. Practise some simple responses, so you have them ready:

“No, I’m not doing that.”
“I’m not comfortable with that.”
“That’s not really my thing.”
“I’d rather not.”
“No thanks, I’m good.”

You are allowed to say yes and then change your mind. You can leave a situation even if you’ve already agreed to something. You never owe someone your participation just because you said yes earlier. If someone keeps pressuring you after you’ve said no, you can remove yourself from the situation. Go somewhere you feel safe, stay with someone you trust or find an adult who can help. You don’t need to stay somewhere just because your friends are there.

Think about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Your boundaries might be about things like drinking, drugs, sex, relationships, social media, sharing photos, fighting, breaking rules or how people treat you. You are allowed to have different boundaries from your friends. Healthy friendships should allow you to make your own choices. Good friends might disagree with you sometimes, but they should respect your boundaries and accept when you say no. If someone regularly mocks you, threatens you, excludes you or makes you feel like you have to do things to keep their friendship, this isn’t okay.

If you’re unsure whether something is peer pressure, talk it through with someone you trust. They can help you look at the situation from another perspective without deciding for you. You could speak to a parent or carer, teacher, youth worker, sibling or another trusted adult.

It can feel really important to be accepted, especially when you’re worried about being left out. But you shouldn’t have to do things that make you uncomfortable, unsafe or unhappy to keep someone’s friendship. The right people won’t make you prove that you belong.

How to help a loved one

If someone you care about is being peer-pressured, you can help by giving them a safe place to talk and reminding them that they don’t have to do anything just to fit in. You don’t need to judge their choices or immediately tell them what to do. Instead, listen, help them think through their options and let them know you’re on their side. Give them time to explain what is happening. Try to stay calm, even if you’re worried or don’t agree with what they’ve done. They may be more likely to ask for help again if they know they won’t be shouted at or judged.

Peer pressure can have a big impact, even when what they are being asked to do might seem small to an adult. Let them know that feeling uncomfortable, worried or pressured is a valid reason to ask for help. Sometimes a young person may not realise that what they’re experiencing is peer pressure. You can help them think about questions such as:

“Do you actually want to do this?”
“How do you feel when you’re around these people?”
“What do you think would happen if you said no?”
“Do you feel like you have a choice?”
“Would you still do it if your friends weren’t doing it?”

If they find it difficult to stand up to their peers, practise responses together. Role-playing different situations can make it easier to know what to say in the moment. Simple responses such as “No thanks,” “I’m not comfortable with that” or “I’m leaving” can be enough. If there is a particular situation where they expect to feel pressured, help them plan. This could include arranging a safe way home, agreeing on a code word they can text you, having someone they can call, or thinking of an excuse they can use to leave.

Remind them that they don’t have to make the same choices as their friends. Encourage their interests, opinions and individuality, and help them recognise what makes a healthy friendship. Friends should respect boundaries rather than making someone feel they have to prove themselves. Encourage relationships with friends and others who make them feel accepted and safe. Having people they can turn to can make it easier to resist pressure and leave situations that don’t feel right.

If they have already done something because of peer pressure, focus on what they can do next rather than making them feel guilty. Saying “Why would you do that?” can make them less likely to ask for help in the future. Try “What happened?” “How did that make you feel?” or “What could help you feel safer next time?” If the peer pressure involves bullying, threats, violence, sexual pressure, drugs, exploitation, sharing sexual images, criminal activity or someone controlling or intimidating them, it may be more than ordinary peer pressure. Speak to an appropriate professional, such as a school safeguarding lead, GP, social worker or another trusted professional.

Myth Buster

Myth: Peer pressure always looks like someone directly telling you what to do.

Truth: Peer pressure can be indirect and subtle, such as friends making jokes, teasing you, leaving you out, saying that “everyone else” is doing something, or making you feel like you need to behave a certain way to fit in. You might not even realise you are being pressured at first. If you feel like you have to change your choices because you are worried about what others will think, this could be a sign of peer pressure.

Myth: that peer pressure always involves being encouraged to do something harmful or risky.

Truth: Pressure from other people can sometimes encourage positive things, such as trying a new hobby, joining a sports team or getting involved in an activity. However, even something that seems positive can become unhelpful if you feel like you cannot say no. What matters is whether you feel you have a genuine choice and whether the decision feels right for you.

Myth: You have to do something just because your friends or other people are doing it.

Truth: You have the right to make your own choices and set your own boundaries. Saying no might feel difficult, especially if you are worried about being judged or left out, but you do not owe anyone your agreement. You can say “no,” walk away, change your mind or ask someone you trust for help.

Myth: Peer pressure only happens to people who are easily influenced, lack confidence or have “bad” friends.
Truth: Anyone can experience peer pressure. Wanting to fit in, feel accepted and maintain friendships is a normal part of being human. Even someone who is usually confident and independent might find it difficult to say no when they feel strongly connected to a group or person.

Myth: Someone will always recognise when they are being peer-pressured or feel comfortable talking about it.
Truth: Pressure can happen gradually, and someone may think that what is happening is just a normal part of friendship. They might feel embarrassed, worried about getting into trouble, scared of losing their friends or unsure about how other people will react. Sometimes they may only realise something was wrong after the situation has happened. You do not have to be completely sure that something is peer pressure before asking for support.

Support

Talking to someone you feel safe with can help you understand what is happening and work out what you want to do. This could be a parent or carer, friend, teacher, youth worker, sibling or another trusted adult. You don’t need to know whether what you’re experiencing is definitely peer pressure before talking about it. A supportive person can listen without judging you, help you think through your options and support you to make choices that feel right for you.

Spending time with people who respect your boundaries can make it easier to cope with peer pressure. Healthy friendships allow you to have different opinions and make your own choices without being threatened, mocked or excluded. It can help to notice which relationships make you feel comfortable being yourself and which ones leave you feeling anxious, pressured or like you have to prove yourself.

Parents and carers can help by creating a space where young people feel able to talk openly without immediately being blamed or punished. They can listen, help them think through situations and practise ways of responding to pressure. It can also help to agree on how the young person can ask for help or get home safely if they find themselves in a difficult situation.

Youth workers, community groups and other organisations can provide a safe place to talk, build confidence and meet people with similar interests. Getting involved in activities such as sports, music, gaming, creative activities or clubs can help young people develop friendships and a sense of belonging outside of situations where they feel pressured.

If talking face-to-face feels difficult, helplines and online services can provide another way to get support. They can offer someone a safe space to talk about what is happening and help them work out what their next step could be. They don’t have to have everything figured out before reaching out.

Therapy interventions

Therapy may not focus on peer pressure itself. Peer pressure is often a situation that can contribute to other difficulties, such as anxiety, low self-esteem, low mood, problems with relationships or difficulties setting boundaries. A therapist can help someone understand and manage these difficulties, which may also make it easier to cope with peer pressure and feel more confident making their own choices. The type of therapy offered will depend on the person’s individual needs and what they are experiencing. Not everyone who experiences peer pressure will need therapy — support from trusted people, practical strategies and changes to their environment may be enough.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – Helps someone understand and challenge unhelpful thoughts, such as “I have to fit in” or “Everyone will hate me if I say no.”
Assertiveness training – Helps someone communicate their feelings, needs and boundaries more confidently, including practising how to say no.
Self-esteem and confidence work – Helps someone recognise their strengths, develop confidence and feel more comfortable making their own choices.
Social skills work – Helps someone develop communication skills, manage disagreements, build friendships and feel more confident in social situations.
Emotion regulation work – Helps someone recognise and manage difficult emotions such as anxiety, anger, embarrassment or fear of rejection.
Problem-solving therapy – Helps someone break difficult situations into smaller steps, consider their options and develop plans for managing challenging situations.
Interpersonal therapy – Focuses on relationships and communication, helping someone understand relationship difficulties and develop healthier ways of interacting with others.
Family therapy – Brings family members together to improve communication, understand each other’s experiences and develop supportive ways of managing difficulties.
Trauma-focused therapy – May be helpful if peer pressure has involved frightening, threatening or traumatic experiences. It can help someone process what happened and manage ongoing distress.
Therapy for anxiety or low mood – If peer pressure is contributing to anxiety, depression or other mental health difficulties, therapy can focus on these difficulties and develop strategies for managing them.

Helplines

Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.

Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk

For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted

NSPCC

NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.

Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

Shout

Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.

Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.giveusashout.org

Samaritans

Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.

Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.samaritans.org

Kooth

Kooth is a free online mental health and wellbeing service for young people. It offers a safe and confidential space where young people can access information, read helpful resources, take part in online discussions and receive support from trained professionals. Kooth can help with all sorts of issues that may affect young people’s mental health and wellbeing, including stress, anxiety, relationships, bullying, family difficulties, low mood and other challenges they may be experiencing.

Website: www.kooth.com
Online support: Available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Live chat with a practitioner: 12 pm–10 pm Monday to Friday; 6 pm–10 pm Saturday and Sunday

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go somewhere safe and tell a trusted adult.

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