Neglect

Summary

Neglect is when a child or young person does not get the care, support or attention they need to be safe and healthy. This includes things like having enough food and clean clothes, getting medical care when needed, having a safe place to live, and having adults who listen to and support them. Neglect can happen in different ways. 

For example, a child who is being neglected might:

  • Not have enough food or clean clothes.
  • Be left alone when they are too young to look after themselves.
  • Not get medical or dental help when they need it.
  • Not have a safe or suitable place to live.
  • Often miss school because nobody makes sure they can go.
  • Not have someone who notices when they are upset or struggling.
  • Have to take on too much responsibility for themselves or other people.

Neglect isn’t always easy to spot. It can happen for a long time, and sometimes adults may not realise that a child is not getting the care they need. Being neglected can affect children and young people in lots of different ways. Everyone reacts differently, and a young person being neglected might experience some of these things, all of them, or none of them.

Neglect can affect 

  • How they feel – they might feel sad, worried, lonely, angry, or like nobody cares about them.
  • How they see themselves – they might feel like they’re not important, that things are their fault, or that they don’t deserve care.
  • Their relationships – they may find it difficult to trust people or ask others for help. They might worry that people will leave them or let them down.
  • School – they might find it harder to concentrate, attend school regularly, learn or keep up with their work.
  • Their behaviour – they might become very quiet and keep things to themselves, or they might feel angry and act out.
  • Their body and health – they may feel tired, get ill more often, or not have received the healthcare they need.
  • Looking after themselves – they might find it difficult to know what they need or how to look after themselves because they haven’t always had someone to show them.

Myth Buster

Myth: Neglect only happens when a child’s parents don’t love them.
Truth: Neglect can happen for many reasons. A parent or carer may love their child but struggle to meet their needs due to their own mental health struggles, financial difficulties, illness or poor physical health, or other reasons. This doesn’t mean a child’s needs should be ignored.

Myth: Neglect is obvious.
Truth: Neglect is not always easy to see. Some children may show clear signs that their needs are not being met, while others may appear to be doing well. Neglect can also happen in different ways, including a lack of emotional support, supervision, healthcare, education or safety. Sometimes it is a pattern of smaller concerns over time rather than one obvious incident. 

Myth: Neglect can’t happen if a child is clean or well fed.
Truth: Meeting some of a child’s needs does not mean that all of their needs are being met. A child may have clean clothes and enough food but still experience neglect in other areas, such as not receiving appropriate medical care, supervision, emotional support, education or a safe home environment. It is important to consider the child’s overall wellbeing and needs. 

Myth: A child would say if they were being neglected.
Truth: Children do not always recognise that they are experiencing neglect, particularly if the situation has been happening for a long time or feels normal to them. They may also feel worried, embarrassed, confused or afraid about what might happen if they tell someone. Some children may not have the words to explain what is happening. Changes in a child’s behaviour, mood or wellbeing can sometimes be signs that they need support, even if they don’t talk about what is happening. 

Myth: You have to know for sure a child is being neglected before reporting your concerns.
Truth: You do not need to be certain or have proof before you raise a concern. If something about a child’s care, wellbeing or safety worries you, it is okay to ask for advice. You can speak to a safeguarding professional, social worker, teacher, GP or another appropriate professional about your concerns. It is their role to help assess what is happening and decide what support may be needed; you do not have to investigate it yourself.

How to help myself

If this is happening to you, it is not your fault. You deserve to be safe, cared for and listened to. You can tell an adult you trust, such as a teacher, social worker, doctor, family member, youth worker or another adult who makes you feel safe. You don’t have to be sure that what is happening is neglect before asking for help. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to talk to someone about it. Talking to someone can help you understand what is happening and get the support you need. If the first person you talk to doesn’t listen or help, try telling another trusted adult. You don’t have to deal with it on your own.

There are also things you can do to help yourself when you are feeling upset or overwhelmed. You could listen to music, draw or write about how you feel, spend time somewhere you feel safe, talk to someone you trust, get some fresh air, do something you enjoy, or try breathing and grounding exercises. Some exercises you can try:

  • Slow breathing
    • Get somewhere you feel comfortable, if you can.
    • Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds.
    • Hold your breath gently for 2 seconds.
    • Slowly breathe out through your mouth for 6 seconds.
    • Repeat this 5 times.
    • Notice how your body feels afterwards. If counting makes you more stressed, just focus on making your out-breath a little longer than your in-breath.
  • 5–4–3–2–1 grounding
    • Look around and name 5 things you can see.
    • Notice 4 things you can touch or feel.
    • Listen for 3 things you can hear.
    • Notice 2 things you can smell.
    • Think of 1 thing you can taste, or take a sip of a drink.
    • Take a slow breath

How to help a young person (PARENT/CARER)

Sometimes families need extra support because of stress, mental health difficulties, financial problems, illness or other challenges. Asking for help is not a sign that you are a bad parent or carer. If you are worried that your child may be experiencing neglect, try to:

  • Talk to your child and give them time to tell you how they are feeling.
  • Think about their basic needs, including food, clothing, hygiene, sleep, healthcare, education, supervision and emotional support.
  • Ask for support early. You can speak to your GP, health visitor, school, social worker or another professional involved with your family.
  • Be honest about what you are finding difficult. Telling someone what support you need can help you get the right help sooner.
  • Look after yourself as getting support for your own wellbeing can make it easier to support your child.
  • Having regular times for meals, getting ready for school, bedtime and other activities can help children feel safe and know what to expect.
  • Help your child attend school, healthcare appointments and other activities that support their wellbeing.
  • If you have shouted, become frustrated or weren’t able to respond to your child in the way you wanted, acknowledge what happened, apologise and reconnect. Getting things wrong does not mean you cannot make things better.

You do not have to wait until things become a crisis before asking for help. If you are worried about your child’s safety or wellbeing, speak to a professional as soon as possible. If you think your child is in immediate danger, call 999.

How to help a young person (FAMILY/PROFESSIONALS/OTHERS)


If you are a relative, family friend, teacher, neighbour, youth worker, coach or another adult who is worried about a child, you can play an important role in helping them feel safe and supported. You do not need to be certain that neglect is happening before you take your concerns seriously or ask for advice. Here are some things you can do:

  • Be a safe and reliable adult – children experiencing neglect may not always trust that adults will be there for them. Being consistent, patient and dependable can make a real difference. If you say you will call, visit or help them with something, try to follow through.
  • Don’t investigate it yourself. If a child tells you something worrying, try to listen rather than investigate. Avoid asking leading questions such as “Did your mum do this?” or repeatedly asking them to explain what happened. Instead, use open questions such as “Can you tell me more about that?” or “What happened next?”
    • Make a note of what the child has told you using their own words, along with anything you have noticed yourself. This can be useful when speaking to a professional.
  • Don’t promise to keep secrets – if a child tells you something that makes you worried about their safety, don’t promise that you will keep it secret. Explain gently that you may need to tell someone who can help. You could say, “I’m really glad you told me. I won’t tell everyone, but I may need to tell someone whose job it is to help keep you safe.”
  • Help them access support – depending on the situation, you could help the child speak to a teacher, school safeguarding lead, GP, social worker, health visitor, youth worker or another trusted professional.
    • If they are old enough and it is safe to do so, you can also help them find a helpline or mental health service. Sometimes simply offering to sit with them while they make a phone call or helping them explain what is happening can make asking for help feel less frightening.
  • Share your concerns – if you are worried that a child is being neglected, you don’t need to have proof before asking for advice. You can speak to children’s social care or another safeguarding professional about your concerns and ask what you should do next. If you believe a child is in immediate danger, call 999.

Therapy interventions

Therapy can help children and young people understand what has happened to them, feel safer, manage difficult emotions and develop healthy relationships. The priority is making sure the child is safe and that their basic needs are being met. Therapy is much more helpful when the child has a safe and supportive environment around them.

Some approaches that may be used include:

  • Trauma-focused CBT (TF-CBT) – Helps children understand difficult or upsetting experiences and how these may affect their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. They can learn ways to manage feelings such as anxiety, fear and anger and develop coping skills. A parent or carer may also be involved to help support them.
  • Attachment-based therapy – Helps children build safe and trusting relationships with the adults who care for them. This can be helpful if they have found it difficult to trust adults or feel safe with other people.
  • Play therapy – Gives younger children a way to show and explore their thoughts and feelings through play. This can be helpful when they don’t have the words to explain how they are feeling or what they have experienced.
  • Dyadic therapy – The child and their parent or carer work together with a therapist. They can learn how to communicate with each other, understand each other’s feelings and build a stronger, safer relationship.
  • EMDR – Can help children who are experiencing upsetting memories or feelings because of difficult or frightening experiences. It can help these memories feel less overwhelming.
  • Mentalisation-based therapy – Helps children and young people understand their own thoughts and feelings and think about what other people might be thinking or feeling. This can help them understand relationships and manage their emotions.
  • Emotion regulation and coping skills – Therapy can help children recognise and understand their emotions and learn healthy ways to manage strong or overwhelming feelings. They may also learn ways to cope with stress, solve problems and ask for help when they need it.

Support for parents and carers:

Therapy isn’t only about working directly with the child. Supporting the adults around them is often an important part of helping a child recover. Parents and carers may be offered parenting support to understand their child’s needs, respond to their emotions, build routines and strengthen their relationship with them. This might include parenting programmes, family therapy, psychoeducation, or support from social care and other professionals.

Helplines

Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.

Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk

For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted 

NSPCC

NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

Family Lives

Family Lives is a charity providing information, advice and support for parents and families. They cover issues including family relationships, parenting, separation, divorce, conflict, bullying, emotional wellbeing and other challenges affecting family life.

Phone: 0808 800 2222
Opening times: 9am–9pm, Monday–Friday
Email: askus@familylives.org.uk
Website: www.familylives.org.uk

Samaritans

Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.

Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.samaritans.org