Moving

Summary

Moving house can be a significant emotional experience, particularly when the decision to move has been made by your parents or carers and you have little or no control over what is happening. Even when you understand why your family is moving or know that the move may bring positive changes, you can still have difficult or mixed feelings about leaving your home.

Your home can be connected to a lot of memories, experiences and feelings. Leaving may feel like saying goodbye to a place where you have grown up, spent time with your family, felt safe or had important experiences. You might feel sad about leaving your bedroom, your garden, your neighbourhood or familiar places that have become part of your everyday life. You may miss small things that you did not realise were important until they were changing.

You may also feel worried about what the move will mean for your life. You might be anxious about moving to a new area, changing schools, making new friends or being further away from people who are important to you. You may worry about whether you will fit in, whether you will like your new home or whether things will feel as comfortable as they did before. If you are leaving friends behind, you might experience feelings of loneliness or uncertainty about whether your relationships will stay the same.

It is also possible to feel angry or frustrated. You may feel that the decision has been made for you and that you have not had much choice in something that affects your everyday life. You might feel upset with your parents or carers, particularly if you do not understand or agree with the reasons for moving. Feeling angry does not necessarily mean you do not care about your family or appreciate what they are doing. It can be a response to feeling that something important has changed without your control.

You may experience excitement too. A new house can represent a fresh start, new experiences and opportunities. You might look forward to having a different bedroom, exploring somewhere new or seeing what life will be like after the move. Having positive feelings about moving does not mean you are not sad about what you are leaving behind. You can feel excited and upset at the same time.

Sometimes your feelings may not be obvious straight away. You might feel fine before the move and find that emotions become stronger once you have moved. Alternatively, you may feel very upset initially and gradually begin to feel more settled. You might also notice changes in your mood, motivation, sleep or how much you want to spend time with other people while you adjust. These reactions can be part of responding to a significant change in your life.

There is no single way you are supposed to feel about moving house. You might feel sad, anxious, angry, excited, relieved, unsettled, lonely or completely fine. You may experience several of these feelings at different times, or find that your feelings change from one day to the next. Moving house can involve both losing something familiar and beginning something new, so having complicated or conflicting emotions is understandable.

It can take time for somewhere new to feel like home. You may initially compare your new home with your old one or feel that things are not quite the same. This does not mean that you will always feel this way. As you become more familiar with your surroundings and your new circumstances, your feelings may change. There is no fixed amount of time it should take to adjust, and your experience of moving will be personal to you.

Moving checklist

Before moving:

  • Find out the date of the move and what you need to take with you.
  • Check whether you will be changing schools, colleges, clubs or regular activities.
  • Find out what will happen with your travel arrangements and how you will get to school, college, work or other places you regularly go.
  • Make sure you know where the new house is and what is nearby, such as shops, public transport, schools and other places you may need.
  • Decide which belongings you want to take with you, donate, sell or leave behind.

Pack:

  • Clothes and underwear
  • Pyjamas
  • Shoes and coats
  • Toiletries
  • Towels
  • Medication and prescriptions
  • Phone, charger and other electronic chargers
  • Laptop, tablet or other devices
  • School, college or work equipment
  • Books and other regularly used items
  • Important documents and personal belongings
  • Bedding
  • Towels
  • Favourite items, hobbies and entertainment
  • Photos and other personal items
  • Anything you use regularly that you will need soon after arriving

Moving day:

  • Keep a bag or box with the things you will need on the day.
  • Keep your phone and charger somewhere easy to access.
  • Keep medication with you rather than packed away with other belongings.
  • Have water and snacks available.
  • Keep important documents and valuable belongings somewhere safe.
  • Take anything you will need overnight separately so you do not have to search through boxes.

After moving:

  • Find your essential belongings first.
  • Set up your bed and somewhere to keep your clothes.
  • Put your toiletries somewhere accessible.
  • Set up your phone, laptop and other devices.
  • Unpack school, college or work items you will need.
  • Find a place for your important documents and personal belongings.
  • Set up your room with your furniture and belongings.
  • Unpack the things you use most often before less important items.
  • Keep track of any items that have not arrived or have been damaged during the move.

How to help myself

Give yourself time to adjust to your new home. Moving can involve a lot of changes at once, and it can take time for a new house, neighbourhood and routine to feel familiar. You do not have to feel settled immediately, and it is okay if you find the change difficult at first.

Try to keep some familiar parts of your life where possible. Staying connected with friends and family, continuing with hobbies and activities you enjoy, and keeping some of your usual routines can provide a sense of familiarity while other things are changing. Making your new room feel like your own by having familiar belongings, photos or decorations around you can also help it feel more comfortable.

You may have mixed feelings about moving, particularly if the decision was made by your parents or carers. You might feel excited about your new home while also missing your old one, or feel angry, worried or unsettled about things that are changing. You do not need to choose one feeling or feel positive about the move all the time. Giving yourself space to recognise these feelings can help you understand and process the change.

Getting to know your new surroundings can also take time. Gradually becoming familiar with your new neighbourhood, school, transport routes and places you may use regularly can help the new area feel less unfamiliar. You do not have to get used to everything at once; taking things one step at a time can make a big change feel more manageable.

If you are finding the move particularly difficult, talking to someone you trust can give you space to explain what you are experiencing. You might want to talk about what you miss, what you are worried about or what you are finding difficult about the change. You deserve to have your feelings taken seriously, even when the move was made for reasons that are outside your control.

How to help a loved one

Moving house can be a significant change for a young person, particularly when the decision to move has been made by their parents or carers. Try to recognise that they may have mixed feelings about the move, even if it is happening for positive reasons. They may be excited about their new home while also feeling sad, worried, angry or unsettled about leaving behind somewhere that feels familiar.

Give them space to talk about how they are feeling without expecting them to be positive about the move. They may want to talk about what they will miss, worries about their new home or school, friendships they are leaving behind or feelings about not having had a say in the decision. Listening without dismissing or immediately trying to solve their concerns can help them feel understood.

Remember that adjusting to a new home can take time. They may seem fine initially but become more upset later, or they may take longer than expected to feel comfortable in their new surroundings. Try not to compare their reaction with how other people have responded to the move. Everyone adjusts differently, and difficult feelings do not necessarily mean they will not eventually feel settled.

Where possible, help them maintain important relationships and familiar activities. Staying connected with friends, continuing hobbies and keeping some familiar routines can provide a sense of stability while other parts of their life are changing. Giving them some choice over their own space and belongings can also help them feel that they have some control during a period of change.

Most importantly, take their feelings seriously. Even if the move is necessary or has been made for the benefit of the family, they may still experience a sense of loss. Let them know that it is okay to miss their old home, feel uncertain about the new one and have complicated feelings about the change.

Myth buster

Myth: You should be happy about moving house if the move is for a good reason

Truth: You can have mixed feelings about moving, even when the move is positive or necessary. You might feel excited about your new home while also feeling sad, worried, angry or upset about leaving behind people, places and routines that are important to you. Understanding why your family is moving does not mean you have to feel happy about it all the time.

Myth: Moving house is only difficult if something bad has happened

Truth: Any significant change can bring difficult feelings. Moving can mean leaving behind a familiar home, school, neighbourhood, friends or routines, even when nothing negative has happened. You may experience a sense of loss simply because something familiar is changing.

Myth: You should get used to your new home quickly

Truth: There is no set amount of time it should take to feel settled. Some people may feel comfortable quickly, while others may need weeks or months to adjust. You may feel settled in some ways while still missing your old home or feeling uncertain about other changes.

Myth: If you are excited about moving, you cannot also be upset about leaving

Truth: It is possible to feel excited and sad at the same time. You might look forward to your new room, a different area or having new experiences while also missing your old home and the people or places connected to it. Having positive feelings does not cancel out difficult ones.

Myth: Feeling angry about moving means you are being difficult or ungrateful

Truth: You may feel angry or frustrated because the decision to move was made by someone else. When something important in your life changes without you having much control over it, anger can be a natural response. Feeling angry does not mean you do not care about your family or appreciate the reasons for the move.

Myth: Moving house means you are leaving your old life behind completely

Truth: Moving can change parts of your everyday life, but it does not mean everything has to change. Friendships, family relationships, interests, memories and important parts of your identity can continue even when your home and surroundings are different.

Myth: Missing your old home means you do not like your new home

Truth: You can miss your old home while still beginning to enjoy your new one. Missing familiar places and memories is a normal response to change and does not mean that you will never feel comfortable in your new home.

Myth: Everyone reacts to moving house in the same way

Truth: People respond to moving differently. You might feel excited, worried, sad, angry, relieved, nervous or not particularly affected by the move. Your feelings may also change over time, and there is no single correct way to respond.

Myth: You should not be upset because moving house is something your parents have decided is best

Truth: You can understand why your parents or carers have decided to move and still find the change difficult. Adults may have important reasons for making the decision, but that does not make your feelings any less real or important.

Myth: Once you have moved, you should stop thinking about your old home

Truth: It is normal to remember and miss your old home after moving. Memories of people, places, routines and experiences can remain important to you, and thinking about them does not mean you are failing to adjust to your new surroundings.

Support

If you are finding moving house difficult, you do not have to manage everything on your own. Moving can affect your emotions, relationships, routines, school or college, and your sense of security, so it is okay to ask for support while you adjust. You do not need to have a specific diagnosis or know exactly what is wrong before talking to someone.

Someone you trust can give you space to talk about what you are experiencing. This could be a parent or carer, another family member, friend, teacher, tutor or another adult you feel comfortable with. You might want to talk about missing your old home, worrying about your new surroundings, feeling angry about the move, struggling with changes to friendships or finding it difficult to settle into your new routine. Sometimes simply having someone listen and take your feelings seriously can help.

If you are finding the move particularly difficult or your feelings are affecting your everyday life, you can speak to your GP. You can talk to them about changes in your mood, anxiety, sleep, appetite, motivation or relationships, or anything else you have noticed since the move. Your GP can help you think about what support may be appropriate and can refer you to other services where needed.

If you are at school or college, you can also speak to someone there. A teacher, tutor, pastoral lead, school counsellor, safeguarding lead or another trusted member of staff may be able to support you if the move is affecting your education, friendships, attendance or wellbeing. They may also be able to help if you are finding it difficult to settle into a new school or adjust to changes in your circumstances.

You may also find support through local community services, youth services or voluntary organisations. These can sometimes provide practical or emotional support, opportunities to meet other young people or somewhere to talk about what you are experiencing.

If the move is happening because of difficult circumstances, such as financial problems, family difficulties, relationship breakdown, housing problems or changes in your family situation, you may need support with more than just the emotional impact of moving. You can speak to a trusted adult or relevant professional about what is happening and what support may be available.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, having thoughts of hurting yourself or feel that you cannot keep yourself safe, it is important to tell someone as soon as possible. You can speak to a trusted adult, contact your GP or NHS 111, or seek urgent help through NHS emergency services if you are in immediate danger.

You do not have to wait until you are struggling severely before asking for help. Adjusting to a major change can take time, and getting support while you are finding things difficult can make the transition feel more manageable.

Therapy

Therapy can provide a safe space to explore how moving house has affected you and help you make sense of difficult or mixed emotions. You do not need to be struggling with a mental health condition to benefit from talking therapy, particularly if the move has brought significant changes or you are finding it difficult to adjust. The type of therapy that may be helpful depends on what you are experiencing and what you would like support with. A GP, mental health professional or another trusted professional can help you explore what support may be appropriate.

  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – This can help you explore the thoughts, feelings and behaviours connected to the move. It may be useful if you are experiencing worry, low mood or anxiety about your new home, school, friendships or changes in your life. CBT can help you identify unhelpful thought patterns and develop ways of managing difficult emotions.
  • Counselling – This can provide a supportive space to talk about your experiences and feelings at your own pace. This may be particularly helpful if you are experiencing sadness, anger, uncertainty or a sense of loss after leaving your old home or familiar surroundings.
  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – This can help you acknowledge difficult emotions without feeling that you have to get rid of them immediately. It can support you to make space for feelings such as sadness or worry while continuing to focus on the people, activities and values that are important to you.
  • Family therapy – This can be helpful when moving house is affecting relationships within your family. It can provide an opportunity for family members to communicate about the move, understand each other’s experiences and work through disagreements or difficult feelings together.
  • Psychoeducation – This can help you understand why significant changes can affect your emotions and wellbeing. Learning about adjustment, stress and emotional responses can help you recognise that difficult feelings following a move can be a normal response to change.

Helplines

Samaritans

Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.

Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.samaritans.org

Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.

Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk

For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted 

NSPCC

NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

YoungMinds

YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services. 

Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/

Shout

Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.

Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.giveusashout.org

NHS 111 (Option 2)


NHS 111 is an NHS service providing urgent medical and mental health advice and support. It can help with mental health concerns, emotional distress, anxiety, low mood, suicidal thoughts and other urgent health problems. 

Phone: For mental health support, call 111 and select the mental health option (option 2).
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Mind

Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.

Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk