Summary
Emotions are a natural part of being human and influence how we think, feel, behave and interact with the world around us. Everyone experiences emotions, including happiness, sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, excitement, guilt, shame, jealousy, disappointment and surprise. Some emotions feel pleasant and comfortable, while others can be difficult, confusing or overwhelming. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and experiencing difficult emotions does not mean that something is wrong with you. Emotions provide information about our experiences, needs and surroundings, helping us recognise what matters to us and respond to different situations. Learning to understand emotions can help us make sense of our experiences, communicate our needs and find ways to manage challenging situations.
Emotions can arise in response to something happening around us, something we remember, a thought about the future or even a physical sensation we do not immediately understand. For example, you might feel excited before meeting a friend, anxious before an exam, disappointed when plans change or angry when you feel that someone has treated you unfairly. Sometimes, the reason for an emotion is obvious, while at other times it can be difficult to identify what has triggered it. You may experience several emotions at once, such as feeling excited and nervous about starting somewhere new, or feeling angry and sad after an argument. Emotions can also change quickly or build gradually over time, particularly when we are tired, stressed or dealing with several difficulties at once.
Emotions are connected to our thoughts, physical sensations and behaviours. When you feel anxious, for example, you might notice your heart beating faster, your stomach feeling unsettled or your muscles becoming tense. You may find yourself worrying about what could happen, avoiding a situation or seeking reassurance. When you feel angry, you might notice heat in your face, tension in your body or an urge to shout or walk away. These responses are part of how the body and mind react to experiences. However, the same situation can lead to different emotions for different people, depending on their past experiences, expectations, beliefs and circumstances. Understanding your own emotional responses can help you recognise what you are experiencing and decide how you want to respond.
It is important to remember that emotions are not the same as actions. You cannot always choose how you feel, but you can learn ways to respond to your feelings in helpful, safe ways. For example, feeling angry does not mean you have to shout, and feeling anxious does not mean you must avoid the situation causing the anxiety. You might need time to calm down, talk to someone, understand what has upset you or work out what you need. Trying to ignore, suppress, or judge emotions can sometimes make them harder to understand, while acknowledging them can help you respond more thoughtfully. This does not mean that you need to act on every feeling or express every emotion immediately; it means allowing yourself to recognise what you feel without automatically criticising yourself for it.
There is no single way that emotions should look or feel. Some people express their feelings openly, while others need time to understand them before talking about them. You may notice emotions mainly through physical sensations, thoughts, changes in behaviour or a general feeling that something is not right. Some people find it difficult to identify or describe their emotions, particularly when they experience several feelings at once or have learned to hide their feelings from others. Neurodivergence, past experiences, cultural expectations and individual differences can all influence how people recognise and express emotions. You do not need to experience or communicate emotions in the same way as someone else for your feelings to be valid.
Learning about emotions can help you develop a better understanding of yourself and your relationships. It can help you recognise early signs of stress, communicate how you feel, understand other people’s perspectives and manage disagreements more effectively. It can also help you identify when you need rest, reassurance, space, connection or additional support. You will not always understand your emotions immediately, and you do not need to have everything figured out. Developing emotional awareness takes time and practice, but it can help you feel more confident in recognising your feelings and deciding what to do next.
How to help myself
Start by paying attention to how you feel throughout the day. You could pause occasionally and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”, “What has happened recently?”, “What am I noticing in my body?” and “What might I need?” You do not need to have an immediate answer. Sometimes, you may know that you feel uncomfortable or unsettled without being able to identify a specific emotion. You could start by describing the sensation, such as feeling tense, restless, heavy, warm or overwhelmed, and gradually explore what it might mean. Naming an emotion, even approximately, can help you begin to make sense of it. You might find it useful to use an emotions wheel or a list of feeling words if you struggle to find the right language.
Try to notice what happens before, during and after an emotional experience. For example, if you feel upset after receiving a message from a friend, consider what you thought the message meant, what you noticed physically and what you felt like doing in response. You might have interpreted the message as criticism, felt embarrassed or worried about the friendship and wanted to withdraw from the conversation. Exploring these different parts of the experience can help you understand why you reacted in a particular way. It may also help you consider whether there are other explanations for what happened. You do not need to challenge every thought or work out the cause of every feeling; the aim is to become more familiar with your emotional patterns and respond with greater understanding.
Remember that emotions can be influenced by your physical needs and circumstances. You may find it harder to manage frustration when you are tired, hungry, unwell or overwhelmed by noise and activity. Stress, changes in routine, conflict, uncertainty and pressure from school, work or relationships can also affect how you feel. If you notice that your emotions are becoming more intense, consider whether you need a break, food, water, rest, movement or some time in a quieter environment. This does not mean that every emotion has a simple physical cause, but looking at the wider picture can help you understand what may be contributing to how you feel.
When an emotion feels intense, try to give yourself time before reacting. You might take a few slow breaths, place your feet firmly on the floor, notice objects around you or step away from a situation if it is safe to do so. Some people find it helpful to go for a walk, listen to music, write down their thoughts, draw or speak to someone they trust. Other people may prefer quiet time or a familiar activity. Experiment with different ways of managing difficult emotions and notice which ones help you feel more settled. The aim is not to make every difficult feeling disappear immediately, but to give yourself enough space to decide what would be helpful.
It can also help to think about what an emotion might be telling you. Anger may arise when you feel hurt, frustrated, threatened or treated unfairly. Sadness may follow a loss, disappointment or a sense of disconnection. Anxiety may signal that you feel uncertain, under pressure or worried about what could happen. Guilt may prompt you to reflect on something you have done, while excitement may reflect anticipation about something important to you. However, emotions are not always accurate descriptions of what is happening. Feeling rejected does not necessarily mean that someone intended to reject you, and feeling afraid does not automatically mean that you are in danger. You can acknowledge an emotion while also considering the situation, the evidence available and what response would be most useful.
Try to avoid judging yourself for experiencing certain emotions. You might have learned that anger is unacceptable, that sadness should be hidden or that you should always remain positive. These expectations can make it difficult to acknowledge what you are feeling. Instead of telling yourself that you should not feel a particular way, try saying, “I am feeling angry because something has upset me,” or “I feel anxious, and I can take some time to understand why.” Being accepting of an emotion does not mean agreeing with every thought that comes with it or acting on every urge. It means recognising that the feeling is happening and allowing yourself to respond to it thoughtfully.
Finding ways to communicate your emotions can help you feel understood and reduce misunderstandings. You might tell someone, “I felt hurt when that happened,” “I am feeling overwhelmed and need a break,” or “I am not sure what I am feeling yet, but I know something is bothering me.” Using statements that describe your own experience can make it easier to explain your feelings without blaming the other person. You do not have to share your emotions with everyone, and you are allowed to take time before discussing something difficult. Choose people you trust and communicate in a way that feels comfortable and safe for you.
If you find it difficult to recognise emotions, try keeping a simple record of situations and feelings. You could write down what happened, the emotion you noticed, how intense it felt and what helped you manage it. You might discover that certain situations regularly lead to worry, frustration or sadness, or that particular activities help you feel calmer. You could also use colours, pictures, scales or emotion cards if writing about feelings does not suit you. Avoid turning this into another task you feel you must complete perfectly. Even occasionally noticing a pattern can help you understand yourself better.
How to help a loved one
When someone shares their feelings with you, one of the most helpful things you can do is listen without judging, dismissing, or immediately trying to solve the problem. You may not fully understand why they feel a certain way, but you can still acknowledge that the experience matters to them. You might say, “That sounds difficult,” “I can see why that upset you,” or “Do you want to tell me more about what happened?” Giving someone time to explain their feelings can help them feel heard and supported. Try not to assume that you know what they need before asking them.
Avoid telling someone that they should not feel a particular way or that their feelings are an overreaction. Comments such as “There is nothing to worry about,” “You are being too sensitive” or “Just cheer up” may be intended to reassure them but can leave them feeling misunderstood. Instead, acknowledge their experience while helping them explore what might be useful. For example, if someone is anxious about an upcoming event, you could ask what they are most worried about and whether they would like help preparing. If they are angry after an argument, you might give them space to talk through what happened before discussing possible next steps.
Remember that people express emotions differently. Someone may cry when they feel overwhelmed, while another person may become quiet, restless, irritable or withdrawn. A person may struggle to explain what they feel or may not realise how distressed they are until later. Do not assume that someone is fine simply because they are not showing obvious signs of emotion. Equally, try not to interpret every change in behaviour as evidence that something is wrong. If you are concerned, ask gently how they are feeling and allow them to respond in their own time.
If a loved one is experiencing an intense emotion, help them feel safe and supported before trying to resolve the situation. They may need quiet, space, reassurance, practical help or someone to stay with them. Ask what would be most helpful rather than assuming that the same response will work every time. If someone is very angry or overwhelmed, it may be better to pause a difficult conversation until everyone feels calmer. You can acknowledge their feelings while maintaining appropriate boundaries around behaviour. For example, you can understand that someone is angry without accepting threats, intimidation or aggression.
If you are a parent or guardian supporting a young person, encourage open conversations about emotions and show that it is okay to experience a range of feelings. You can help them develop the language to describe what they feel by naming emotions in everyday situations, such as feeling disappointed when plans change or excited about an achievement. When they become upset, try to remain calm, listen and help them work out what they need. Young people may not always be able to explain their emotions clearly, particularly when feelings are intense. Giving them time and helping them explore what happened can be more effective than expecting them to immediately calm down or explain themselves.
You can also model healthy ways of responding to your own emotions. For example, you might explain that you are feeling stressed and need a few minutes to settle before continuing a conversation. This can show a young person that emotions are normal and that people can take responsibility for how they respond to them. Avoid suggesting that certain emotions are only appropriate for particular genders or that crying, being afraid or asking for reassurance is a sign of weakness. Encourage young people to express their feelings safely while also learning to respect the feelings and boundaries of others.
Supporting someone emotionally can sometimes be challenging, especially if their feelings are intense or you are unsure how to help. You do not need to have all the answers or make their emotions disappear. Listening, showing patience and helping them access support when needed can make a meaningful difference. Remember to look after your own wellbeing too, particularly if you are regularly supporting someone through difficult experiences.
Myth Buster
Myth: There are good and bad emotions
Truth: All emotions have a purpose and can provide information about our experiences and needs. Some feelings are more comfortable than others, but experiencing sadness, anger, fear or jealousy does not make you a bad person
Myth: You should always be able to control how you feel
Truth: Emotions often arise automatically in response to experiences, thoughts and physical sensations. You may not be able to choose the emotion you experience, but you can learn ways to respond to it safely and thoughtfully
Myth: If you feel anxious, it means something bad is going to happen
Truth: Anxiety can arise when you feel uncertain, threatened or worried about the future, but it does not necessarily mean that you are in danger. Understanding what is causing the anxiety can help you decide how to respond
Myth: Showing emotions is a sign of weakness
Truth: Expressing emotions is a normal part of being human. Talking about your feelings or asking for support can help you understand what you are experiencing and manage difficult situations
Myth: You should ignore difficult feelings and focus on being positive
Truth: Trying to ignore emotions can make it harder to understand what you need. Acknowledging difficult feelings can help you work through them, even when you cannot immediately change the situation
Myth: Feeling angry means you are an aggressive person
Truth: Anger is an emotion that can arise when you feel hurt, frustrated or treated unfairly. What matters is how you respond to it. You can acknowledge anger while choosing not to hurt yourself or others
Myth: Everyone experiences and expresses emotions in the same way
Truth: People differ in how they recognise, experience and communicate feelings. Some express emotions openly, while others need time or different ways to understand what is happening inside
Myth: If you cannot explain your feelings, they are not real
Truth: It can be difficult to identify or describe emotions, particularly when several feelings occur at once. You can still acknowledge that something feels wrong while taking time to understand it
Myth: You should be able to manage difficult emotions on your own
Truth: Everyone needs support at times. Talking to someone you trust or seeking professional help can make it easier to understand your emotions and find ways to cope
Support
If you are finding it difficult to understand or manage your emotions, talking to someone you trust can be a helpful first step. This could be a friend, family member, parent or guardian, teacher, colleague or another person who makes you feel safe. You do not need to know exactly what you are feeling before starting the conversation. You might simply explain that you have been feeling overwhelmed, irritable, sad or unlike yourself. Having someone listen without judgement can help you make sense of your experiences and consider what support you might need.
If your emotions are affecting your daily life, relationships, sleep, education, work or ability to manage everyday activities, you may benefit from speaking to your GP or another healthcare professional. They can help you explore what may be contributing to how you feel and discuss appropriate support. If you are experiencing persistent anxiety, low mood, intense anger or difficulty managing emotional reactions, psychological support may help you understand these experiences and develop ways of coping.
You may also be able to access support through school, college, university, work or local community services. If you are a young person, a trusted adult can help you explore the options available to you. You deserve support even if you find it difficult to explain what is wrong or are unsure whether your experiences are serious enough to seek help.
If you feel unable to keep yourself safe or are experiencing a mental health crisis, seek urgent support. In England, you can call NHS 111 and select the mental health option (option 2) for urgent mental health support. If you or someone else is in immediate danger or needs emergency medical assistance, call 999 or go to A&E.
Therapy interventions
Different approaches can be combined and adapted to suit each person. Therapy may be offered individually, in a group or, where appropriate, with family members. The aim is not to eliminate difficult emotions or make someone feel happy all the time. Instead, therapy can help people understand their emotional experiences, develop practical coping skills, communicate their needs and respond to feelings in ways that support their wellbeing.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – CBT is useful for understanding the connections between thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and behaviours. It can help people recognise unhelpful thinking patterns and develop more helpful ways of responding to difficult feelings. For example, someone who worries that a friend is ignoring them may learn to consider alternative explanations rather than immediately assuming they have done something wrong
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – DBT is useful for people who experience intense emotions or find it difficult to manage their reactions during stressful situations. It can help develop skills in emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness and communication. For example, someone who becomes overwhelmed during disagreements may learn to recognise early signs of distress, pause before responding and communicate their needs more effectively
- Mindfulness-based approaches – Mindfulness is useful for developing awareness of thoughts, feelings and physical sensations without immediately judging them or reacting automatically. It can help people focus on the present moment and respond more thoughtfully to difficult emotions. For example, someone experiencing anxiety before an important event may practise grounding themselves and noticing their feelings without allowing anxiety to determine their actions
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – ACT is useful for helping people accept that difficult emotions are a normal part of life while continuing to do things that matter to them. It can help people recognise their values and take meaningful steps even when they feel anxious, sad or uncertain. For example, someone who feels nervous about meeting new people may learn to acknowledge their anxiety while still attending a social event because connection and friendship are important to them
- Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) – CFT is useful for people who experience shame, guilt or harsh self-criticism about their emotions. It can help them develop a kinder and more understanding relationship with themselves. For example, someone who feels embarrassed about crying when overwhelmed may learn to recognise that emotional distress is a human experience rather than a personal weakness
- Emotion regulation skills – Emotion regulation work is useful for helping people recognise, understand and respond to their emotions in safer and more manageable ways. This may involve identifying triggers, noticing physical warning signs and developing coping strategies. For example, someone who becomes increasingly frustrated throughout a busy day may learn to recognise when they need a break before their emotions become overwhelming
- Interpersonal therapy and relationship-focused approaches – These approaches are useful for exploring how relationships, communication and life changes affect emotions. They can help people manage conflict, process relationship difficulties and communicate their needs more effectively. For example, someone experiencing sadness after a friendship breakdown may explore their feelings about the loss and consider how to build supportive relationships in the future
- Psychoeducation – Psychoeducation is useful for helping people understand what emotions are, why they occur and how they influence thoughts, physical sensations and behaviours. It can help make emotional experiences feel less confusing and support people to recognise when they may need additional help. For example, someone who experiences a racing heart when anxious may learn why this physical response occurs and explore ways to manage the discomfort
Helplines
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.giveusashout.org
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.samaritans.org
NHS 111 (Option 2)
NHS 111 is an NHS service providing urgent medical and mental health advice and support. It can help with mental health concerns, emotional distress, anxiety, low mood, suicidal thoughts and other urgent health problems.
Phone: For mental health support, call 111 and select the mental health option (option 2)
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
