Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn and Flop

Summary

Our bodies have several automatic ways of responding when we sense danger. These reactions can happen very quickly, sometimes before we have had time to think about what is happening. This means we might react in a way that surprises us, especially in a frightening or overwhelming situation.

You may have heard of the “fight or flight” response, but our bodies can respond to danger in other ways too. You might freeze, try to please the person or situation causing the threat, or feel unable to move. These responses are not choices you make deliberately. They are your body’s attempts to keep you safe.

Our brains are constantly taking in information and looking for possible danger. The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure in the brain that plays an important role in detecting threats. When the brain senses danger, it can quickly activate the body’s survival response, preparing you to respond before you have had time to fully process what is happening.

Fight
What happens in your body: Your heart may beat faster, your muscles can become tense, and you may feel a sudden burst of energy. You might shake, sweat or feel very alert. You may shout, swear, clench your fists, push something away or feel an urge to confront the danger.

Flight
What happens in your body: Your body prepares you to move quickly. You may feel restless, light on your feet or full of energy. You may want to run away, hide, leave the situation or find somewhere that feels safer.

Freeze
What happens in your body: You may suddenly feel unable to move or respond. Your body can become very still, and you may find it difficult to speak or think clearly. You might stand still, go quiet, stare blankly or feel as though you are “stuck”. Freezing is an automatic response and is not the same as choosing not to act.

Fawn
What happens in your body: When your brain senses that fighting or escaping does not feel possible, you may try to reduce the threat by keeping the other person happy or avoiding conflict. You might apologise repeatedly, agree with someone even when you do not want to, smile when you are frightened, or do what someone asks to prevent the situation from becoming worse.

Flop
What happens in your body: Your body may suddenly feel very weak, heavy or low in energy. You may feel unable to move or respond, particularly when you feel extremely overwhelmed or unable to escape. You may collapse, lie down or find it very difficult to move, even when someone is trying to help you.

These responses can overlap or change depending on what is happening. You may fight in one situation and freeze in another. None of these reactions means that you have done something wrong. They are automatic responses to perceived danger.

The Window of Tolerance

The Window of Tolerance is a helpful way of understanding our emotions and noticing what happens when we start to feel overwhelmed. We can usually cope with a certain amount of stress and still feel able to think clearly, manage problems and get things done. This is our “window of tolerance”.

Stress can sometimes be helpful, but when it becomes too intense or lasts for a long time, we can move outside of our window. Different triggers can cause this to happen, and our bodies may respond through fight or flight (hyperarousal) or freeze, fawn or flop (hypoarousal).

Hyperarousal: Fight or flight

You might notice:

  •  Feeling very anxious, angry or irritable
  •  Shouting, swearing or saying things you do not mean
  •  Wanting to run away or hide
  •  Feeling restless or full of energy
  •  Finding it difficult to sit still
  •  Your heart beating very quickly
  •  Feeling on edge or unable to relax


In my window of tolerance

You might notice:

  •  Feeling calm and more in control
  •  Being able to think clearly
  •  Feeling able to manage difficult situations
  •  Being able to concentrate and complete everyday tasks
  •  Feeling connected to yourself and other people

Hypoarousal: Freeze, fawn or flop

You might notice:

  •  Feeling numb, empty or disconnected
  •  Having a heavy or floppy body
  •  Feeling very tired or having little energy
  •  Feeling foggy or finding it difficult to think
  •  Finding it difficult to speak or explain what you need
  •  Struggling to take in or understand what other people are saying
  •  Automatically trying to please other people

Things that can make your window smaller

Different things can make it harder to stay within your window, such as:

  •  Stress
  •  Anxiety
  •  Lack of sleep
  •  Feeling rejected or criticised
  •  Loneliness
  •  Sensory overload
  •  Conflict or feeling unsafe
  •  Too many demands at once

Things that can make your window bigger

You can experiment with different strategies to find what helps you feel safer and more regulated. This might include:

  •  Slow, comfortable breathing
  •  Moving your body
  •  Grounding exercises
  •  Spending time with someone you trust
  •  Having some quiet time alone
  •  Taking breaks from overwhelming situations
  •  Keeping a routine
  •  Doing activities that you enjoy

Your window of tolerance can change from day to day. Something that feels manageable one day might feel much harder when you are tired, stressed or overwhelmed. Learning to notice your early warning signs can help you use coping strategies before things become too intense.

How to help myself

Fight, flight, freeze, fawn and flop responses can happen automatically, which can make it feel like you have little control over what your body is doing. You cannot always stop a survival response from happening, but you can practise strategies that help your body feel safer and give you more control over what happens next.

Fight response

When your body is full of energy and tension, safe physical activity can help you release some of that energy.

  • Try the “wall push”: place both hands against a wall and gently push firmly for around 10 seconds, then relax your arms. Repeat a few times if it feels comfortable.
  • Clench and release your fists, or tense and relax different muscle groups.
  • Try another safe form of movement, such as stretching, walking, shaking out your hands or doing some exercise.
  • Move somewhere calm and give yourself space if you are feeling angry or overwhelmed.

Flight response

When your body feels like it needs to escape, grounding can help bring your attention back to the present moment.

  • Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.
  • If this feels difficult, choose five things that are the same colour, shape or size and notice them carefully.
  • If you have lots of physical energy, try a safe activity such as walking, stretching or exercising rather than forcing yourself to sit completely still.
  • Remind yourself where you are, what day it is and that you are safe in the present moment.

Freeze response

When you feel stuck or unable to move, start with something very small rather than trying to move your whole body at once.

  • Try moving one finger, wiggling your toes or gently moving your hands.
  • Once you feel able, gradually increase the movement by stretching, standing up or taking a few steps.
  • Use grounding, such as holding a familiar object or noticing what you can see and hear around you.

If you find physical contact calming, agree in advance with a trusted person whether you would like a hug, hand-holding or another form of support. Always make sure this is something you are comfortable with.

Fawn response

If you notice yourself automatically agreeing, apologising or putting other people’s needs before your own, practise setting small boundaries in situations where you feel safe.

  • Practise saying “no” to low-pressure requests, such as choosing what activity you want to do.
  • Try phrases such as “I need some time to think” or “I’m not comfortable with that.”
  • Start with situations that feel manageable and gradually work towards more difficult situations.

Flop response

When your body feels heavy, weak or difficult to move, focus on gentle grounding and reconnecting with your surroundings.

  • Notice something you can see, hear, smell or touch and describe it to yourself.
  • Hold a familiar object, such as a soft toy or stress ball, and focus on how it feels.
  • Try slow, comfortable breaths rather than forcing yourself to take deep breaths.
  • If you can, make a small movement such as wiggling your fingers or toes before gradually trying to sit or stand.
  • Give yourself time and avoid forcing your body to move before you feel ready.

It can be helpful to make a plan with a parent, friend or trusted adult when you are feeling calm. You could agree on the signs that show you are becoming overwhelmed, what strategies help you and how they can support you. Having this plan ready can make it easier to respond when a survival reaction happens.

How to help a loved one

When someone is experiencing a fight, flight, freeze, fawn or flop response, remember that their reaction may be automatic. They may not be able to explain what they need or respond as you expect. Try to stay calm, patient and reassuring rather than taking their reaction personally.

Learn what their different responses look like and work together when they are calm to identify what helps. You could agree on a simple plan for what to do when they become overwhelmed, including who they would like to contact, where they feel safest and which coping strategies they find helpful.

During a fight response, give them space and reduce noise, demands or confrontation where possible. Encourage them to move to a safe place and use a physical activity or grounding strategy to release some of their energy.

During a flight response, help them feel safe without forcing them to stay in a situation that feels overwhelming. Use a calm voice and gently bring their attention back to the present. You could help them use grounding techniques, go for a walk or move somewhere quieter.

During a freeze response, avoid rushing or repeatedly telling them to move or speak. Give them time and offer simple choices. You might gently ask whether they would like you to stay nearby, hold their hand or offer another form of support.

During a fawn response, help them recognise that they do not have to automatically agree to everything. Give them time to think and reassure them that it is okay to say no, change their mind or have boundaries. Avoid making decisions for them unless there is an immediate safety concern.

During a flop response, stay calm and make sure they are physically safe. Reduce stimulation and give them time to recover. Gently orient them to their surroundings and offer familiar sensory objects or other strategies they have found helpful.

Talk about what happened afterwards when they feel calm, rather than trying to analyse their response while they are overwhelmed. Ask what helped, what did not and what they would like you to do differently next time. If these responses are happening frequently, causing significant distress or affecting everyday life, encourage them to speak to a GP or mental health professional for additional support.

Myth Buster

Myth: “You can choose how you respond to danger.”
Truth: Fight, flight, freeze, fawn and flop responses can happen automatically when the brain detects a threat. You may not consciously choose your initial response.

Myth: “Freezing means you are weak or not trying to help yourself.”
Truth: Freezing is an automatic survival response. Your body may temporarily feel unable to move, speak or act, even when you want to.

Myth: “If someone is angry, they are choosing to behave that way.”
Truth: A fight response can involve intense physical arousal, anger or an urge to confront a threat. The response may be automatic, although people are still responsible for how they behave towards others.

Myth: “Fawning means you agree with or want what is happening.”
Truth: Fawning can involve automatically trying to please, appease or agree with someone when you feel threatened. It can be a way of trying to stay safe and does not necessarily reflect what you actually want.

Myth: “Once the danger is gone, your body immediately goes back to normal.”
Truth: Your body can remain activated or feel exhausted after a stressful experience. It may take time for your nervous system to settle.

Myth: “Everyone responds to danger in the same way.”
Truth: People respond differently depending on the situation, their experiences, environment and how safe they feel. The same person may have different responses at different times.

Support

Having occasional fight, flight, freeze, fawn or flop responses is a normal part of the body’s response to feeling threatened. However, if these responses happen often, feel difficult to manage or begin to affect your everyday life, relationships, school, work or wellbeing, it may be helpful to seek support.

Talking to someone you trust can be a good place to start. A parent, friend, teacher or another trusted adult can help you recognise your triggers, practise coping strategies and create a plan for what to do when you feel overwhelmed.

You can also speak to your GP or a mental health professional. They can help you understand what you are experiencing and explore whether additional support or therapy would be helpful. For children and young people, support may also be available through school, college or Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

If your responses are linked to experiences of trauma, abuse or feeling unsafe, you do not have to manage this alone. A mental health professional can help you develop strategies to feel safer and understand your responses at a pace that feels manageable.

Therapy interventions

Therapy can help you understand your body’s responses to stress and danger, recognise your triggers and develop strategies for feeling safer and more in control. The type of support offered will depend on your individual experiences and needs.

  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – CBT can help you understand the links between thoughts, feelings, physical responses and behaviours. It can support you to develop coping strategies and gradually approach situations that have become difficult or frightening.
  • Trauma-Focused Therapy – If your responses are linked to a traumatic experience, trauma-focused approaches can help you process what happened and reduce the distress associated with traumatic memories. This may include approaches such as Trauma-Focused CBT or EMDR.
  • Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – DBT can help develop skills for managing intense emotions, tolerating distress, improving relationships and responding to difficult situations without becoming overwhelmed.
  • Counselling – Counselling provides a safe space to explore difficult experiences, emotions and relationships. It can help you develop a better understanding of your responses and identify what support you need.
  • Stabilisation and Grounding – Therapy may initially focus on feeling safe and developing coping strategies before exploring difficult experiences in more depth. This can include grounding, breathing, emotional regulation and identifying ways to manage triggers.

Helplines

Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.

Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk

For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted 

NSPCC

NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

Samaritans

Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.

Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.samaritans.org

YoungMinds

YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services. 

Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/