Summary
Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences. It can happen when you feel hurt, frustrated, worried, misunderstood, treated unfairly or when something does not go the way you expected. Anger itself is not a bad thing, but it can become difficult when it feels overwhelming or leads to actions that could hurt you, someone else or damage relationships.
Anger can affect both your body and your thoughts. You might notice your heart beating faster, feeling hot or tense, clenching your fists, raising your voice or finding it difficult to think clearly. You might also feel like you need to react immediately or say something you later regret. Learning to recognise these early warning signs can give you a chance to pause and choose what to do next.
Why might I feel angry?
There can be lots of reasons for feeling angry, and sometimes anger can be connected to other emotions underneath it. You might be angry because you feel rejected, embarrassed, scared, sad, stressed or powerless. Things such as arguments, bullying, friendship or relationship problems, family difficulties, school or work pressures, tiredness and feeling out of control can all contribute to anger.
Sometimes anger can build up over time, especially if you have been keeping difficult feelings to yourself. Understanding what tends to trigger your anger and what happens just before you become angry can help you recognise patterns and find healthier ways to manage it.
Managing anger
You cannot always control what happens or how other people behave, but you can learn ways to manage your response. Taking a pause, moving away from a situation, slowing your breathing, talking to someone you trust, writing down your feelings or doing something physical can help you calm down before deciding what to do. It can also help to look after your basic needs, such as getting enough sleep, eating regularly and having time to relax.
If anger is becoming difficult to control, causing problems in your relationships or school, or leading to behaviour that you are worried about, you do not have to deal with it alone. Talking to a trusted adult, GP, school counsellor or mental health professional can help you understand what is behind your anger and find strategies that work for you.
How to help myself
When you notice yourself becoming angry, try to recognise the early signs before the feeling becomes overwhelming. You might notice that you feel hot, tense, restless or shaky, that your heart is beating faster, that you are clenching your fists or that you are starting to raise your voice. Recognising these signs can give you a chance to pause and decide what you need before reacting.
If you feel your anger building, give yourself some space. If it is safe to do so, step away from the situation, go somewhere quieter or take some time before continuing a conversation. Slow, steady breathing can help your body begin to calm down. You could also listen to music, go for a walk, exercise, have a shower, write down what you are feeling or do something else that helps you release some of the tension safely.
Try to work out what is behind your anger. Anger is sometimes the emotion we notice first, while underneath it there may be sadness, fear, embarrassment, stress, disappointment or feeling hurt. Keeping a diary or making a note of when you become angry can help you spot triggers and patterns. Think about what happened before you became angry, how you felt in your body, what you were thinking and what you did next.
When you have calmed down, think about what you actually want or need from the situation. If someone has upset you, it may help to explain how you feel rather than shouting, threatening or becoming aggressive. You could use phrases such as “I felt upset when…” or “I need some time before we talk about this.” You cannot always control what other people do, but you can work on how you respond.
Looking after yourself can also make anger easier to manage. Getting enough sleep, eating regularly, staying active and having time to relax can all help you cope with stress. If you know certain situations regularly make you angry, think about what you could do differently next time, such as taking a break, asking for help or planning what you want to say beforehand.
If your anger feels impossible to control, is happening very often, is affecting your relationships or school, or is leading you to hurt yourself, hurt someone else or damage things, tell someone you trust. A trusted adult, GP, teacher, school counsellor or mental health professional can help you understand what is driving your anger and find safer ways to manage it. You do not have to wait until things become really difficult before asking for support.
How to help a loved one
If someone you care about is struggling with anger, try to listen without judging or immediately telling them what they should do. Let them talk about what is making them angry and acknowledge that their feelings are real, even if their behaviour is not always okay. You could say things like “I can see that you’re really upset” or “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Giving them space to explain what they are experiencing can help them feel heard.
Try to notice what tends to make their anger worse and support them in taking a break when they need one. If they are becoming increasingly angry, give them some space rather than continuing an argument or trying to force them to talk. Once they are calmer, you can gently encourage them to think about what triggered their anger and what might help next time. You could suggest going for a walk, listening to music, doing something active or talking to someone they trust.
It is important to support their feelings without excusing behaviour that hurts other people. Anger is okay, but threatening someone, hitting, damaging property or deliberately hurting themselves or others is not. You can help them find safer ways to express anger, such as taking time out, explaining how they feel, writing things down or asking for help. Try to avoid responding to anger with more anger, as this can make the situation harder for everyone.
Keep checking in with them, particularly if you notice they are becoming angry more often or seem to be struggling with other emotions such as sadness, stress, fear or worry. Encourage them to look after themselves through regular sleep, meals, exercise and time to relax. Sometimes anger can be a sign that something else is going on, so being curious about what might be underneath the anger can be helpful.
If their anger is affecting their relationships, school or everyday life, encourage them to speak to a trusted adult, GP, teacher, school counsellor or mental health professional. If they are threatening to seriously hurt themselves or someone else, or you are worried that someone is in immediate danger, tell a trusted adult and get urgent help rather than trying to manage the situation on your own. You can support someone without taking responsibility for their emotions or behaviour.
Myth Buster
Myth: “Feeling angry makes me a bad person.”
Truth: Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone feels angry sometimes, and having angry feelings does not make you a bad person. What matters is how you respond to those feelings and whether your actions are safe and respectful.
Myth: “I should just calm down.”
Truth: Telling yourself to “calm down” does not always make anger disappear. When you are very angry, your body may need time and space to settle. Taking a break, moving somewhere quieter, breathing slowly or doing something that helps you relax can make it easier to think clearly.
Myth: “If I don’t let my anger out, it will keep getting worse.”
Truth: Shouting, hitting, breaking things or taking your anger out on someone else does not necessarily make it go away and can create more problems. Finding safer ways to manage anger, such as exercise, talking, writing, taking space or using relaxation techniques, can help you process what you are feeling.
Myth: “Anger is always the problem.”
Truth: Anger can sometimes be a sign that something else is going on underneath. You might actually be feeling hurt, scared, embarrassed, stressed, rejected or treated unfairly. Understanding what is behind your anger can help you work out what you need.
Myth: “I cannot control my anger.”
Truth: You may not be able to control when anger appears, but you can learn to recognise your warning signs and choose how you respond. With practice and support, you can develop strategies that help you pause and manage anger before it becomes overwhelming.
Myth: “Asking for help means I cannot handle my emotions.”
Truth: Asking for support is a healthy way of dealing with difficult emotions. Talking to someone you trust or getting professional support can help you understand your anger, identify triggers and develop safer ways of coping.
Support
You do not have to manage anger on your own. Talking to someone you trust can help you understand what is making you angry and find ways to manage it safely. This could be a parent or carer, family member, teacher, school counsellor, GP, youth worker or mental health professional.
If anger is happening often, feels difficult to control, or is affecting your relationships, school, work or everyday life, it may be helpful to ask for extra support. A professional can help you understand your triggers, recognise early warning signs and learn different ways to respond when you feel overwhelmed.
Support might include talking about difficult experiences, learning coping and emotion regulation skills, practising ways to communicate your feelings, or finding healthier ways to deal with stress and frustration. You can ask for help even if you are not sure whether your anger is “serious enough”. You deserve support when something is making life difficult.
If you are worried that your anger could lead you to hurt yourself or someone else, tell a trusted adult as soon as possible. If someone is in immediate danger, seek urgent help.
Therapy interventions
Therapy can help you understand where your anger comes from, recognise what triggers it and learn safer ways to respond when emotions feel overwhelming. You do not need to be angry all the time or have done something wrong to ask for support. Different types of therapy can be helpful depending on what is causing the anger and what you need.
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) – CBT can help you notice the connection between your thoughts, feelings and actions. You can learn to recognise thoughts that make anger stronger and practise more helpful ways of thinking and responding.
Emotion regulation and coping skills – therapy can help you recognise early signs that your anger is building and learn practical ways to manage strong emotions. This might include breathing exercises, grounding, taking time out, problem-solving and finding safe ways to express your feelings.
Anger management – anger management work focuses specifically on understanding anger, identifying triggers and learning how to respond without hurting yourself or other people. You might practise communication skills, relaxation techniques and ways to manage difficult situations.
Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) – DBT teaches skills for managing strong emotions, coping with distress and improving relationships. It can help you pause before acting on intense feelings and choose a safer response.
Trauma-focused therapy – sometimes anger can be connected to difficult or frightening experiences. Trauma-focused approaches can help you understand how past experiences may still affect your emotions and reactions, while developing safer ways to cope.
Family therapy – family therapy can help when anger is connected to arguments, communication difficulties or problems within the family. It provides a space for people to understand each other, communicate more effectively and work towards positive changes together.
Counselling and supportive therapy – talking to a therapist or counsellor can give you a safe space to talk about what is happening in your life. They can help you explore your feelings, understand what might be underneath your anger and work out what could help.
Helplines
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
The Mix
The Mix is a charity providing free information, advice and support for young people on all sorts of issues that can affect their lives and wellbeing. This includes mental health, relationships, money, housing, work and education, drugs and alcohol, bullying, social media, family difficulties and many other challenges. They offer information and practical advice to help young people understand what they are going through, make informed decisions and find further support when they need it.
Phone: 0808 808 4994
Opening times: 11 am–11 pm, 7 days a week
Website: http://www.themix.org.uk
Crisis Messenger: Text THEMIX to 85258 – available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Kooth
Kooth is a free online mental health and wellbeing service for young people. It offers a safe and confidential space where young people can access information, read helpful resources, take part in online discussions and receive support from trained professionals. Kooth can help with all sorts of issues that may affect young people’s mental health and wellbeing, including stress, anxiety, relationships, bullying, family difficulties, low mood and other challenges they may be experiencing.
Website: www.kooth.com
Online support: Available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Live chat with a practitioner: 12 pm–10 pm Monday to Friday; 6 pm–10 pm Saturday and Sunday
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.giveusashout.org
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.samaritans.org
Hub of Hope
Hub of Hope is a mental health support database that brings together information about a wide range of mental health services and organisations. It covers support for issues such as anxiety, depression, stress, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, addiction, bereavement and other mental health difficulties.
Website: http://www.hubofhope.co.uk
Opening times: Online service available 24 hours a day
NHS 111 (Option 2)
NHS 111 is an NHS service providing urgent medical and mental health advice and support. It can help with mental health concerns, emotional distress, anxiety, low mood, suicidal thoughts and other urgent health problems.
Phone: For mental health support, call 111 and select the mental health option (option 2).
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Family Lives
Family Lives is a charity providing information, advice and support for parents and families. They cover issues including family relationships, parenting, separation, divorce, conflict, bullying, emotional wellbeing and other challenges affecting family life.
Phone: 0808 800 2222
Opening times: 9am–9pm, Monday–Friday
Email: askus@familylives.org.uk
Website: www.familylives.org.uk
No Panic
No Panic is a charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing panic attacks, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and other anxiety-related difficulties. They also provide support for young people and carers.
Phone: 0300 772 9844
Opening times: 10 am–10 pm, every day of the year
24-hour crisis message: 01952 680835
Email: info@nopanic.org.uk
Website: http://www.nopanic.org.uk
Youth support: youth@nopanic.org.uk
Anxiety UK
Anxiety UK is a charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing anxiety, stress and other anxiety-related difficulties. They support people with issues including panic attacks, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and other anxiety disorders.
Phone: 03444 775 774
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Website: www.anxietyuk.org.uk
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a charity providing support for people who are struggling with their mental health or experiencing emotional distress. They support people with issues including low mood, anxiety, loneliness, stress, suicidal thoughts and difficult life experiences.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58
Opening times: 5pm–midnight, every day
Webchat: 5pm–midnight, every day
WhatsApp: Available through the CALM website
Website: http://www.thecalmzone.net
Support For Us 