Summary
If you are a young person thinking about accessing support for your mental health or wellbeing, you might have questions about who will know, what information will be shared and whether your parents or guardians need to be involved. You might want support but feel worried about how they will react, or you may have personal reasons for wanting to speak to a professional privately. These concerns are understandable, and you can ask questions about confidentiality before deciding what you feel comfortable sharing.
Confidentiality means that information you share with a professional is treated as private and is not automatically shared with everyone in your life. Healthcare professionals have responsibilities to protect your personal information, respect your privacy and involve you in decisions about your care. However, confidentiality is not absolute. There may be circumstances where information needs to be shared to protect your safety or someone else’s safety, or where a professional has other legal or safeguarding responsibilities. If you are unsure what this means for your situation, you can ask the service to explain its confidentiality policy before discussing personal details.
Your age and ability to understand a decision are important when professionals consider consent to treatment. In England, young people aged 16 and 17 are generally presumed to have the ability to consent to their own medical treatment unless there is evidence otherwise. If you are under 16, you may still be able to consent to treatment independently if a professional assesses you as having sufficient understanding and maturity to appreciate what the treatment involves. This is known as Gillick competence. The assessment considers whether you understand the proposed support, its possible benefits and risks, the available alternatives and the consequences of your decision. It is not based on age alone, and being considered competent for one decision does not automatically mean you will be considered competent for every decision.
Confidentiality and consent are related, but they are not exactly the same. Being able to consent to treatment does not mean that information can never be shared, and being under 16 does not automatically mean that everything you tell a professional must be shared with your parents or guardians. Your circumstances, the type of support you are accessing, your understanding of the decision and any concerns about your safety may all be relevant. Professionals should explain how confidentiality applies to you and consider your views when making decisions about sharing information.
Although you may have good reasons for wanting to keep your support private, involving your parents or guardians can sometimes be helpful. They may be able to help you attend appointments, understand information, manage difficult feelings between sessions or access practical support at home. They may also notice changes in how you are feeling and help you put strategies recommended by a professional into practice. If you feel safe doing so, you might consider whether there is a way to involve them that respects your wishes and gives you some control over what is shared. However, you should be able to explain your concerns and ask a professional to discuss the options with you rather than assuming that your parents or guardians will automatically be told everything.
For example, imagine that you have been feeling anxious and want to speak to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), but you are worried that your parents or guardians will think you are overreacting. You decide to contact the service and explain that you would like support but are not comfortable with your family knowing yet. The service can explain its referral process and confidentiality policy, explore your reasons for wanting privacy and consider what information can be kept confidential. You might also discuss whether there is a trusted adult who could support you, or whether there is a way to involve your family gradually if you later feel comfortable doing so. If the professional believes that information needs to be shared to protect your safety or someone else’s safety, they should explain this to you where possible and discuss what will happen next. Asking for help is still worthwhile, even if you are unsure how confidentiality will work.
How to help myself
If you are worried about your parents or guardians finding out that you are accessing support, start by identifying what you are most concerned about. You might be worried about being judged, getting into trouble, upsetting them, being misunderstood or having private information shared without your agreement. You may also have concerns about your safety or how they might respond. Understanding your reasons can help you explain your situation to a professional and identify what support or arrangements might help you feel safer.
Before contacting a service, look at its official website to find out how referrals work, who can make them and whether you can contact the service yourself. Some services accept self-referrals, while others require a referral from a GP or another professional. CAMHS referral arrangements vary between local areas, so do not assume that the process is the same everywhere. If the website does not explain the process clearly, you can contact the service and ask what options are available to you. You can initially ask general questions about confidentiality and referrals without giving every detail of your situation.
When you contact a service, explain that you are a young person seeking support and that you have questions about confidentiality. You could say, “I would like to access support, but I am worried about my parents or guardians finding out. Could you explain what information you would need to share and when?” You can also explain why you are worried, if you feel comfortable doing so. The professional may need to ask some questions to understand your circumstances, but you can ask them to clarify why they need particular information and how it will be used.
It is also useful to explain any practical arrangements that would make accessing support easier. For example, you may only be available on particular days, need appointments outside school hours or require a private way to speak to the service. Let the service know if you are concerned about letters being sent to your home, voicemail messages being left, text messages appearing on a shared phone or emails being accessed by someone else. You can ask whether alternative communication arrangements are possible, such as contacting you at an agreed time or using a safer method of communication. Do not assume that a service can guarantee complete secrecy or accommodate every request, but explain what you need and ask what can be arranged.
Remember that confidentiality can be affected by more than the conversation you have with a professional. Referral letters, appointment reminders, medical records, online health accounts and messages may create information that other people could see, depending on the service’s systems and access arrangements. If this worries you, ask the service how it manages these details and whether there are steps it can take to protect your privacy. If you are unsure whether a parent or guardian can access particular records, ask the service directly rather than relying on assumptions.
If a professional explains that your parents or guardians may need to be involved, you can still tell them what you are and are not comfortable sharing. Explain which parts of your situation you would prefer to keep private and why. For example, you may be comfortable with your family knowing that you are receiving support but not want to discuss the details of your appointments with them. You can ask the professional to help you decide what information might be shared, with whom and how. They may not be able to agree to every request, particularly if there are concerns about safety, but your views should be taken seriously.
If information needs to be shared because a professional believes you or someone else may be at risk, tell them if you are worried about how your parents or guardians might react. You can explain whether you feel safe with them, whether involving them could make your situation more difficult and whether there is another trusted adult who might be able to support you. This information can help the professional consider the safest and most appropriate way to respond. If possible, ask them to explain what they intend to share, who they need to tell and what will happen afterwards.
You do not need to have all the answers before contacting a service. You can begin by asking questions, finding out what your options are and explaining what you are worried about. If you do not feel comfortable talking to one person, you can ask whether there is another professional you could speak to. If you are struggling to access a service, a GP, school or college pastoral team, school nurse or another trusted adult may be able to help you understand the available routes to support.
How to help a loved one
If a young person tells you that they want support but do not want their parents or guardians to know, try to listen without immediately judging their decision. They may have personal reasons for wanting privacy, and they may be worried about being misunderstood, upsetting their family or losing control over what happens next. Avoid assuming that they are being secretive or that their parents or guardians must automatically be told everything. Ask what they are worried about and what they would find helpful.
You can help them explore the available services and understand how to access them. If they are considering CAMHS, help them check the local referral process and identify whether self-referral is possible or whether they need to speak to a GP or another professional. You could help them prepare questions about confidentiality, appointment arrangements and communication methods. If they want to contact a service themselves, respect their independence while offering practical help if they ask for it.
Encourage the young person to consider whether involving a parent, guardian or another trusted adult might be helpful, but avoid pressuring them into sharing information before they feel ready. Explain that support from family can sometimes make it easier to attend appointments, follow recommendations and manage difficulties between sessions. However, recognise that family involvement is not always straightforward, and the young person may have reasons for feeling uncomfortable or unsafe about involving particular people.
If you are a parent or guardian, remember that being involved in a young person’s life does not necessarily mean you will be entitled to every detail of their conversations with a healthcare professional. Respecting their privacy can help them feel more comfortable seeking support and speaking honestly about their needs. You can still offer practical and emotional support, ask how you can help and remain available without demanding information they are not ready to share.
If the young person is worried about information being shared, encourage them to explain this directly to the professional. You can help them prepare what they want to say, identify their boundaries and think about which information they would feel comfortable sharing. If you are involved in their care, try to approach conversations with the professional collaboratively, recognising that the aim is to support the young person’s wellbeing while respecting their rights and safety.
If a professional explains that information needs to be shared because of concerns about safety, listen to the reasons and ask how you can help. Where you are the person being informed, respond calmly and avoid blaming the young person for seeking support or for what they have disclosed. They may already be feeling worried or vulnerable, and a supportive response can make it easier for them to continue engaging with help.
If you are concerned about a young person’s immediate safety, seek appropriate professional advice rather than promising to keep everything secret. You can reassure them that you will listen, take their concerns seriously and involve them in decisions wherever possible. Supporting someone does not mean managing everything alone, and it is appropriate to seek guidance from relevant healthcare or safeguarding professionals when you are unsure what to do.
Myth Buster
Myth: If I am under 16, I cannot access support without my parents or guardians knowing
Truth: Depending on your circumstances and the type of support, you may be able to consent to treatment without parental involvement if a professional considers you Gillick competent. Referral arrangements vary, so ask the service what options are available.
Myth: If I am 16 or 17, my parents or guardians automatically have the right to know everything about my care
Truth: Young people aged 16 and 17 are generally presumed able to consent to their own medical treatment, and their personal information should be handled confidentially. There are circumstances in which information may still need to be shared.
Myth: Gillick competence means you have to be a certain age
Truth: Gillick competence is based on whether a young person under 16 has sufficient understanding and maturity to understand the particular decision and its implications, rather than being determined by a fixed age.
Myth: If I ask a professional to keep something confidential, they can never tell anyone
Truth: Professionals should respect your privacy, but information may need to be shared when there are safety concerns, safeguarding or other legal responsibilities. You can ask them to explain these limits.
Myth: If my parents or guardians are told that I am receiving support, they will automatically know everything I have said
Truth: Information sharing should be considered carefully. A professional may be able to share limited information about your care without sharing every detail of your conversations, depending on the circumstances.
Myth: Professionals will always tell my parents or guardians if I contact CAMHS
Truth: Referral and confidentiality arrangements vary between services. Contact the local service to ask how it works, what information it needs and when parents or guardians may be involved.
Myth: I cannot ask for help unless I know exactly what is wrong
Truth: You can contact a service to explain what you have been experiencing, ask questions and find out what support might be suitable. You do not need to have a diagnosis or know what treatment you need before seeking advice.
Myth: If I do not want my parents or guardians involved, a professional will refuse to help me
Truth: Your wishes and circumstances should be considered. A professional can explain the options available and assess what support is appropriate, although they may need to involve others in some situations.
Myth: If I am worried about confidentiality, I should wait until I feel ready to tell my parents or guardians
Truth: You can ask a service about confidentiality before deciding what to share. Getting information about your options may help you feel more prepared to access support.
Myth: If a professional needs to share information, they can ignore my wishes completely
Truth: There may be circumstances where information must be shared despite your wishes, but professionals should take your views seriously and explain what is happening where possible.
Myth: My parents or guardians knowing about my support can only be a bad thing
Truth: Family involvement can sometimes provide emotional and practical support, help with appointments and make it easier to manage difficulties between sessions. Whether and how they are involved should be considered in the context of your needs and circumstances.
Myth: If I am worried about how my parents or guardians will react, I should not mention it to a professional
Truth: Explaining your concerns can help the professional understand your circumstances and consider how to approach information sharing safely and sensitively.
Support
If you are thinking about accessing support but are unsure about confidentiality, you can start by contacting the service you are interested in and asking how its referral and privacy arrangements work. You do not have to explain everything immediately. You can ask what information is collected, who may see it, how appointments are arranged and what happens if you do not want your parents or guardians involved.
Your GP can explain the support available locally and may be able to help you understand the referral process. Depending on your area, you may be able to refer yourself to a service, or you may need a referral from a GP, school, college or another professional. If you are considering CAMHS, check your local NHS service’s website or contact the service directly, as arrangements differ between areas.
A school nurse, teacher, pastoral lead, college wellbeing team or another trusted adult may also be able to help you understand your options. If you are worried about your parents or guardians finding out, explain this before sharing information you are uncomfortable discussing. They can help you identify the appropriate service and, where possible, explore ways to access support while respecting your privacy.
If you are worried that your parents or guardians may react in a way that makes you feel unsafe, explain this to the professional or service you contact. It is important that they understand not only that you want privacy, but also why it matters in your circumstances. They can consider this when deciding whether information needs to be shared and how to manage any necessary communication.
If you feel that your confidentiality has not been handled appropriately, you can ask the service to explain its decision and its confidentiality policy. You may also be able to speak to the service’s complaints team or a patient advice service, such as the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS), where available. If you are unsure what to do, another trusted professional may be able to help you understand your options.
If you need urgent support, do not let uncertainty about confidentiality stop you from asking for help. Tell the professional that you are worried about who will be informed and why. They can explain what they can keep private and what they may need to share. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, seek urgent help through the appropriate emergency service.
Therapy interventions
Confidentiality is not a therapy intervention itself, but understanding your rights can make it easier to engage with psychological support and speak openly about what you are experiencing. Professionals should explain the purpose of the support they offer, how information will be handled and what the limits of confidentiality are. The most appropriate support depends on the young person’s needs, circumstances and preferences. Therapy is not necessary for everyone who wants to understand their rights to confidentiality. You can ask a service what support is available, how it works and what information may be shared before deciding whether to proceed.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help young people understand the relationship between their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It may be useful if worries about judgement, family reactions or seeking help are contributing to anxiety or making it difficult to access support.
- Counselling provides a space to explore feelings, relationships and personal circumstances with a trained professional. It may help young people think through concerns about privacy, communication and whether or how they want trusted people involved in their support.
- Family therapy can help young people and their families or guardians understand each other’s perspectives, improve communication and work through difficulties together. It may be useful when family involvement is appropriate and the young person feels safe participating, but it is not suitable for every situation.
- Psychoeducation involves learning about mental health, available services, treatment options and the rights and responsibilities involved in receiving support. Understanding confidentiality, consent and referral processes can help young people make informed decisions and feel more prepared to speak to professionals.
Helplines
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.giveusashout.org
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.samaritans.org
NHS 111 (Option 2)
NHS 111 is an NHS service providing urgent medical and mental health advice and support. It can help with mental health concerns, emotional distress, anxiety, low mood, suicidal thoughts and other urgent health problems.
Phone: For mental health support, call 111 and select the mental health option (option 2).
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
