Bullying

Summary

Bullying is behaviour that is intended to hurt, upset, frighten or humiliate someone. It can involve physical actions, words, threats, social exclusion or online behaviour. Bullying often happens repeatedly or is part of an ongoing pattern, and there may be a power imbalance, where someone feels they cannot easily defend themselves or stop what is happening.

Bullying can affect someone’s mental health, confidence, relationships, school attendance and physical wellbeing. Someone being bullied might feel anxious, angry, embarrassed, lonely or helpless. They may also start to believe negative things about themselves because of what other people are saying or doing.

Bullying isn’t always obvious. It can happen quietly or behind closed doors, and online bullying can happen without adults or other people seeing it. Sometimes a person may laugh along with something or say they are “fine” even when they are actually struggling.

Bullying can happen:

  • At school or college 
  • Online
  • Within friendship groups – through exclusion, rumours, teasing, arguments or pressure to behave in certain ways.
  • At clubs and activities – including sports teams, youth groups, music groups or other hobbies.
  • In the community – such as in parks, shops, public transport or other places where young people spend time.
  • At home or within families – although ongoing conflict between family members isn’t always bullying, behaviour that repeatedly intimidates, humiliates or harms someone can still be harmful and should be taken seriously.

Types of bullying:

  • Physical bullying involves using physical actions to hurt, intimidate or frighten someone. This could include hitting, kicking, pushing, punching, tripping, spitting or physically blocking someone’s way. It can also include damaging, taking or hiding someone’s belongings. Physical bullying doesn’t have to cause an injury to be harmful.
  • Verbal bullying involves using words to hurt, threaten, embarrass or humiliate someone. This might include name-calling, insults, repeated teasing, threats, mocking someone’s appearance or making cruel comments about them.
  • Social bullying involves deliberately damaging someone’s friendships, reputation or sense of belonging. This could include leaving someone out on purpose, spreading rumours, encouraging others not to speak to them, turning friends against them or deliberately embarrassing them in front of other people. 
  • Emotional bullying involves behaviour that repeatedly makes someone feel frightened, worthless, ashamed or powerless. This might include intimidation, humiliation, threats, manipulation or deliberately making someone feel responsible for things that aren’t their fault.
  • Cyberbullying is bullying that happens through phones, social media, messaging apps, online games or other technology. It might include sending abusive messages, posting embarrassing photographs or videos, spreading rumours online, creating fake accounts, sharing private information or deliberately excluding someone from group chats or online games. 
  • Discriminatory bullying targets someone because of an aspect of their identity or something about them. This could include bullying related to their disability, appearance, race, culture, religion, gender, sexuality, family background or other personal characteristics.

A child or young person experiencing bullying might:

  • Have changes in mood or behaviour
    • Become quieter, more withdrawn or less confident.
    • Seem unusually anxious, upset, angry or irritable.
    • Cry more often or appear emotionally overwhelmed.
    • Lose interest in things they usually enjoy.
    • Become more secretive or reluctant to talk about their day.
    • Seem nervous about checking their phone or receiving messages.
  • Have changes around school or activities
    • Suddenly not want to go to school, college, clubs or activities.
    • Ask to stay home more often.
    • Become worried about travelling to or from school.
    • Experience difficulties concentrating or completing work.
    • Start avoiding particular places, lessons or activities.
    • Have a change in attendance or school performance.
  • Have changes in friendships
    • Suddenly stop seeing certain friends.
    • Become socially isolated.
    • Say they have no friends or that nobody likes them.
    • Become worried about being left out.
    • Stop wanting to attend social activities they previously enjoyed.
  • Have physical or practical signs
    • Have unexplained injuries.
    • Frequently report headaches, stomach aches or feeling unwell.
    • Have difficulty sleeping or changes in appetite.
    • Lose or damage belongings.
    • Suddenly need money or belongings replaced.
    • Come home hungry or without things they normally take to school.
  • Have signs linked to online bullying
    • Suddenly stop using social media or online games.
    • Become distressed after looking at their phone.
    • Constantly check messages or notifications.
    • Change their online behaviour suddenly.
    • Become worried about photographs, videos or messages being shared.
    • Receive large numbers of upsetting messages or notifications.

These signs don’t automatically mean someone is being bullied. They can happen for lots of different reasons, including stress, anxiety, friendship difficulties or other problems. The important thing is to notice changes and gently ask what is going on rather than assuming.

How to help myself

You don’t have to deal with bullying alone. There are things you can do to protect yourself, manage how you’re feeling and get support.

Tell someone you trust about what is happening. This could be a parent or carer, teacher, school counsellor, youth worker, family member or another trusted adult. You don’t need to know exactly what to say or have proof that you’re being bullied. If talking feels difficult, you could write it down or send them a message instead. If the first person you tell doesn’t listen or take you seriously, tell someone else. You deserve to be listened to and supported. Keep reaching out until someone helps you.

Being bullied is never your fault. You don’t need to change who you are to make someone else stop being unkind. Remind yourself that the things a bully says about you do not define who you are.

If it feels safe, write down what happened, when and where it happened, and who was involved. If bullying is happening online, save screenshots, messages or posts. You don’t need evidence before asking for help, but having a record can help an adult understand what is happening.

Try to stay around people you trust, particularly in places where bullying tends to happen. Think about where you could go and who you could contact if you feel unsafe. You are allowed to leave a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or frightened. Try to spend time with people who make you feel accepted and comfortable being yourself. Good friends don’t make you feel like you have to earn their friendship. Having even one person you can trust can make a difficult situation feel less lonely.

If you’re being bullied online, you can block, mute or report the person or account. Check your privacy settings and consider limiting who can contact you or see your posts. You can also take a break from social media if it’s becoming overwhelming.

Bullying can have a big impact on your mental health. Make time for things that help you feel calm, safe and like yourself — such as listening to music, gaming, drawing, spending time with people you trust, exercising or getting outside. These things won’t stop the bullying, but they can help you manage difficult feelings while you get support.

You might feel angry and want to hurt or embarrass the person bullying you. Those feelings are understandable, but fighting back or getting revenge could put you at greater risk or make the situation worse. Getting support is a safer way to deal with bullying.

How to help a loved one

If someone you care about is being bullied, you don’t have to fix everything yourself. Being someone they feel safe with, listening to them and helping them access support can make a huge difference.

Give them space to talk without judging, blaming or immediately trying to solve the problem. Don’t dismiss what they’re experiencing as “just a joke” or “part of growing up.” Let them know that what is happening matters and that it isn’t their fault. You could say, “I’m glad you told me,” “I’m here for you,” or “What can I do to help?”

If you’ve noticed that they seem more withdrawn, anxious, upset or reluctant to go to school or activities, let them know you’ve noticed and are there to listen. Try using open questions such as “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit different lately — how are things?” rather than assuming you know what is happening. If they don’t want to talk, don’t pressure them. Let them know they can come to you when they’re ready.

Work together to think about what might make things easier or safer. This could include identifying trusted adults or safe places, arranging someone to walk with them, planning what they can do if bullying happens or helping them think about how to respond. If bullying is happening online, you can help them save evidence, block or mute accounts and report harmful content.

Encourage them to speak to someone who can help, such as a parent or carer, teacher, school safeguarding lead, counsellor, GP or youth worker. If they’re nervous about talking to someone, offer to go with them or help them write down what they want to say. If the first person doesn’t take them seriously, encourage them to keep asking for help.

Bullying can affect someone’s confidence and mental health, so encourage them to spend time doing things they enjoy and with people who make them feel accepted. Remind them of their strengths and the things that make them who they are. You don’t need to force them to “cheer up” – sometimes simply being alongside them is enough.

It can be tempting to tell someone to fight back, get revenge or simply ignore the bullying, but this could make the situation worse or put them at greater risk. Focus on helping them stay safe and access appropriate support instead.

Myth Buster

Myth: Ignoring bullying will always make it stop.
Truth: Sometimes bullying may continue or become worse when someone doesn’t have support. Talking to a trusted adult can help someone feel less alone and make sure the situation is taken seriously. Getting help doesn’t mean they are unable to handle things themselves — it means they are looking after their wellbeing.

Myth: Bullying is something everyone has to put up with.
Truth: Arguments, disagreements and friendship problems can happen as people grow up, but repeatedly hurting, threatening, humiliating or excluding someone is not something they should simply have to accept. Everyone has the right to feel safe and respected.

Myth: The person being bullied is responsible for stopping the bullying themselves.
Truth: Saying no or standing up for yourself can sometimes help, but it isn’t always safe or possible. Asking for help from a trusted adult is a valid and often safer way to respond. The responsibility for bullying always lies with the person choosing to bully.

Myth: Bullying always has obvious signs.
Truth: Someone may become withdrawn, anxious or avoid certain situations, but they might also hide what is happening because they feel embarrassed, frightened or worried that things will get worse. Some people may continue to appear happy and behave normally even when they are struggling. Changes in behaviour can be a reason to gently check in, but you shouldn’t assume you know what someone is experiencing.

Myth: Someone who doesn’t talk about bullying doesn’t want support.
Truth: They may be worried about being judged, getting into trouble, losing friends or making the situation worse. They may also not have the words to explain what is happening. Let them know you’re there, listen without pressure and keep the conversation open. Sometimes knowing that someone is there when they’re ready can be the most important first step.

Support

There are lots of different ways someone can be supported when they are experiencing bullying. Support should be based on what the person needs and what feels safe for them. They don’t have to deal with it alone, and they don’t have to wait until things become overwhelming before asking for help.

Sometimes the first step is simply having someone who will listen. This could be a friend, parent or carer, teacher, family member, youth worker or another trusted adult. Having someone listen without judging or telling them to “just ignore it” can help them feel less alone and make it easier to decide what to do next.

Schools and colleges can put support in place when bullying is affecting someone’s safety or wellbeing. This might include speaking with a teacher, pastoral team, school counsellor or safeguarding lead, creating a plan to reduce contact with the person bullying them, providing a safe space to go to, or checking in with them regularly.

Support doesn’t always mean talking about feelings. Someone might need help with getting to and from school safely, managing social situations, dealing with online bullying, reporting incidents or working out what to do if bullying happens again. A trusted adult can help them make a plan that feels realistic and safe.

If bullying is happening online, support might include helping someone block or mute accounts, report harmful content, change privacy settings and save screenshots or messages. They may also benefit from taking a break from certain apps or online spaces if these are causing distress.

Bullying can sometimes contribute to anxiety, low mood, low self-esteem, sleep difficulties, social anxiety or feeling overwhelmed. If these difficulties are affecting someone’s everyday life, they may benefit from support from their GP, school mental health team or another mental health professional.

Parents and carers may also need guidance about how to respond. They can be supported to listen without blaming, communicate with school or other professionals, help their child feel safe and understand the emotional impact bullying can have. Parents don’t have to know exactly what to do before asking for help.

Sometimes bullying involves more serious behaviour, such as violence, threats, sexual harassment, exploitation or coercion. In these situations, additional safeguarding support may be needed to protect the person and address what is happening. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999.

Therapy interventions

Therapy may not focus on bullying itself. Instead, it can help someone cope with the impact bullying has had on their thoughts, feelings, confidence, relationships and everyday life. The type of support offered will depend on the person’s age, experiences and individual needs. A therapist can provide a safe, confidential space to talk about experiences of bullying and how they have affected them. They can help the person make sense of what happened without blaming them for it.

  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – Helps someone recognise and challenge unhelpful thoughts and develop healthier ways of coping with difficult situations.
  • Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT) – Can help someone process particularly distressing or traumatic experiences and learn strategies to manage difficult memories and emotions.
  • Self-esteem and confidence work – Helps someone rebuild their confidence, recognise their strengths and develop a more positive view of themselves.
  • Anxiety management – Supports someone to understand and manage anxiety, worry and fear that may have developed following bullying.
  • Assertiveness training – Helps someone communicate their needs, express their feelings and set healthy boundaries.
  • Social skills work – Can help someone feel more confident in social situations, develop friendships and manage communication or conflict.
  • Emotion regulation work – Teaches strategies for recognising, understanding and managing difficult emotions such as anger, sadness, embarrassment or fear.
  • Problem-solving approaches – Helps someone identify difficult situations, consider their options and develop practical strategies for managing them.
  • Interpersonal therapy – Focuses on relationships and communication, helping someone understand relationship difficulties and develop healthier ways of interacting with others.
  • Family therapy – Involves family members in supporting the young person, improving communication and helping everyone understand the impact of bullying.
  • Play therapy – Can be useful for younger children who may find it easier to express and explore their experiences through play rather than talking directly about them.

Helplines

Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.

Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk

For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted 

NSPCC

NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk

Shout

Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.

Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.giveusashout.org

Samaritans

Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.

Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: http://www.samaritans.org

Kooth

Kooth is a free online mental health and wellbeing service for young people. It offers a safe and confidential space where young people can access information, read helpful resources, take part in online discussions and receive support from trained professionals. Kooth can help with all sorts of issues that may affect young people’s mental health and wellbeing, including stress, anxiety, relationships, bullying, family difficulties, low mood and other challenges they may be experiencing.

Website: www.kooth.com
Online support: Available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year
Live chat with a practitioner: 12 pm–10 pm Monday to Friday; 6 pm–10 pm Saturday and Sunday