Summary
Being a carer means providing support to someone who needs help with aspects of their everyday life. This might be a family member, partner, friend or someone else you care about who has a physical disability, a long-term health condition, a mental health difficulty, a learning disability, dementia or difficulties associated with ageing. Caring can involve helping someone with personal care, preparing meals, managing medication, attending appointments, providing emotional support, supporting communication, helping with finances or making sure they are safe. Some people provide care for a few hours a week, while others have significant responsibilities that affect most aspects of their daily lives. You may not think of yourself as a carer, particularly if you are supporting someone close to you, but you can still be a carer even if you do not receive payment or have a formal caring role.
Being a carer can be meaningful and rewarding. You may value being able to support someone you love, help them maintain their independence or make a positive difference to their quality of life. Caring can strengthen relationships and provide a sense of purpose. However, caring can also bring emotional, physical, social and financial challenges. You may feel worried about the person’s health or safety, frustrated when things are difficult, exhausted by the responsibilities involved or uncertain about how best to help. You might experience guilt when you feel impatient, resentful when your own needs are overlooked or sadness when the person’s health or abilities change. These feelings can exist alongside love and commitment. Experiencing difficult emotions does not mean that you do not care about the person.
Caring responsibilities can affect many areas of your life. You may have less time for hobbies, friendships, education, work, relationships or rest. You might find it difficult to make plans because you are unsure what support the person will need, or feel that you must always be available in case something happens. Financial pressures may arise if you reduce your working hours, pay for additional costs or have to travel regularly to provide support. You may also find that other people do not fully understand your responsibilities, particularly if the caring role has developed gradually or is not visible to others. Over time, the demands of caring can contribute to stress, loneliness, low mood, anxiety and physical exhaustion, especially when you have little opportunity to rest or receive support yourself.
Every caring situation is different. Some people become carers unexpectedly following an illness, accident or crisis, while others take on responsibilities gradually as someone’s needs change. You may have a clear understanding of what is involved, or you may be learning as you go along. Your responsibilities may also change over time, meaning that arrangements that once worked well may need to be reviewed. It is important to recognise that you do not need to know everything or manage every difficulty alone. Asking for information, practical assistance or emotional support is a reasonable part of caring, not a sign that you are failing.
Being a carer does not mean that your own needs, identity or future have to disappear. You are still entitled to relationships, interests, opportunities and time for yourself. Looking after your wellbeing can help you sustain your caring role, but your wellbeing matters in its own right too. You may need support to balance caring with other responsibilities, understand what help is available or make decisions about the level of care you can realistically provide. There may be times when you need to set boundaries, ask others to share responsibilities or consider alternative care arrangements. These decisions can be difficult, particularly when you feel responsible for the person’s wellbeing, but you are not expected to meet every need by yourself.
How to help myself
Start by recognising the caring responsibilities you have and how they affect you. It can be easy to focus entirely on the other person’s needs and overlook how much you are doing. Think about the practical tasks you manage, the emotional support you provide, how often you are available and what you have had to change in your own life. You may find it helpful to write down your responsibilities and identify which tasks are essential, which could be shared and where additional support might be available. Recognising the extent of your caring role can help you explain your needs to other people and identify areas where you may need more assistance.
Try to maintain some routines and activities that support your own wellbeing. Caring can make it difficult to find time for yourself, so it may help to plan small, realistic opportunities for rest and enjoyment rather than waiting until you have completed everything. This could involve having a quiet cup of tea, reading, exercising, listening to music, spending time outdoors or doing something creative. You might arrange to see a friend, continue a hobby or protect some time each week for an activity that is important to you. These moments do not need to be long to be worthwhile. If you find it difficult to take time away because you are worried about the person you care for, consider whether another trusted person or a support service could help cover their needs safely.
Your physical health is also important. Try to eat regularly, drink enough water, get as much rest as your circumstances allow and make time for movement where possible. Caring may involve lifting, helping someone move or remaining alert for long periods, which can be physically demanding. If you are unsure how to carry out a task safely, ask a healthcare professional or relevant support service for advice rather than risking injury to yourself or the person you care for. If your sleep is regularly disrupted or you are experiencing ongoing pain, exhaustion or other health concerns, speak to your GP. You deserve care and attention too, even when someone else’s needs feel more urgent.
Pay attention to your emotional wellbeing and give yourself permission to acknowledge difficult feelings. You may feel love and concern alongside frustration, sadness, anger, guilt or resentment. These emotions can arise when you are tired, under pressure or unable to meet every demand placed on you. Rather than judging yourself for feeling this way, try to consider what the emotion may be telling you. Frustration might indicate that you need a break, while anxiety might reflect uncertainty about what will happen next. If you notice yourself becoming overwhelmed, take a pause where it is safe to do so, use a calming activity or talk to someone you trust. If your feelings are persistent or are affecting your everyday life, consider seeking additional support.
Try to set realistic expectations for yourself. You may feel pressure to do everything well, anticipate every problem or ensure that the person you care for is always comfortable and happy. However, caring can be unpredictable, and there may be situations you cannot control or resolve. Focus on what is within your control and recognise that doing your best does not mean doing everything perfectly. It may help to prioritise tasks, break complicated responsibilities into smaller steps and accept that some things can wait. If you make a mistake or have a difficult day, try to respond to yourself with the same understanding you would offer someone else.
Learning about the person’s needs and the support available can help you feel more confident. Depending on the situation, this might involve understanding a health condition, learning how to support someone experiencing distress, knowing what to do in an emergency or finding out how to access social care. You can ask healthcare professionals questions, request written information or ask for tasks to be demonstrated if you are unsure how to carry them out. You do not have to become an expert in everything, and you should not be expected to undertake tasks for which you have not received appropriate information or training. If the person’s needs are changing, ask for their care arrangements to be reviewed so that the support remains suitable.
You may find it useful to keep important information organised, particularly if you are involved in appointments, medication, finances or communication with several services. With appropriate consent and attention to privacy, you could keep a record of appointments, relevant contact details, questions for healthcare professionals and important changes in the person’s needs. A shared calendar or agreed plan may help other family members understand what needs doing and when. If several people are involved in caring, try to discuss how responsibilities can be divided more fairly rather than assuming that you must manage everything yourself.
Ask for help before you reach breaking point where possible. You might speak to a family member, friend, GP, social worker, care coordinator or local carers’ service. In England, you can ask your local council for a carer’s assessment if you provide or intend to provide care for an adult who needs support. This can help identify how caring affects your life and what support may be available to you. If the person you care for is a child, different assessment and support arrangements may apply. You can also explore carers’ groups, respite options, benefits or financial advice, depending on your circumstances. Asking for help does not mean that you are abandoning the person; it can help you continue caring in a way that is more sustainable.
Remember that you are allowed to have boundaries. You may not be able to provide every type of support, be available at all times or manage every situation safely. Think about what you can realistically offer and what needs to be provided by other people or services. If you are concerned that the person may be unsafe without more support, raise this with the relevant professionals rather than trying to compensate by taking on more than you can manage. If the caring situation becomes unmanageable, it is appropriate to ask for a review of the arrangements and discuss alternative ways of meeting the person’s needs.
How to help a loved one
If someone you care about is taking on caring responsibilities, recognise the amount of work and emotional effort that may be involved. They may be providing practical help, managing appointments, worrying about the person’s safety or remaining available throughout the day and night. Some caring tasks may be visible, while others involve constant planning, remembering information and anticipating what might go wrong. Rather than assuming they are coping because they have not asked for help, check in with them and ask how they are managing. A simple conversation can provide an opportunity for them to explain what they are finding difficult without feeling that they have to justify their feelings.
Offer practical support rather than relying only on general statements such as “Let me know if you need anything”. Someone who is already overwhelmed may find it difficult to identify what to ask for or organise additional help. You could offer to prepare a meal, collect shopping, provide transport, help with household tasks, accompany someone to an appointment or spend time with the person they care for if this is appropriate and safe. If you cannot help directly, you may be able to help research local services, organise information or identify other people who could share responsibilities. Be specific about what you can offer and follow through on arrangements so that the carer does not have to manage another source of uncertainty.
Listen without judgement if the person talks about difficult emotions. Carers may feel guilty admitting that they are exhausted, frustrated or resentful, particularly when they care deeply about the person they support. They may worry that expressing these feelings makes them selfish or ungrateful. Let them know that mixed emotions can occur when someone is under sustained pressure and that they can talk honestly without being judged. Avoid telling them that they should feel lucky to have the person in their life, that they need to be stronger or that caring is simply what family members do. These responses can unintentionally minimise the demands they are experiencing.
Respect the carer’s own needs, choices and boundaries. They may not be able to attend every social event, respond to messages immediately or make plans at short notice. Try not to interpret this as a lack of interest in the relationship. Keep inviting them to activities without putting pressure on them, and understand that their availability may change depending on the care they provide. If they decline, you could offer another time or suggest something that fits more easily around their responsibilities. Maintaining contact can help reduce isolation, particularly if the person has gradually withdrawn from friendships or activities because of caring demands.
Encourage the person to access support, but avoid making them feel that they have failed if they need additional help. You could offer to help them find a local carers’ service, contact their council, speak to a GP or explore whether a carer’s assessment may be appropriate. If they are struggling financially, emotionally or physically, help them identify the relevant service rather than expecting them to navigate every system alone. However, respect their right to make decisions about their own circumstances. You can provide information and encouragement without taking over or assuming that you know what is best.
If you are also involved in caring, communicate openly about responsibilities and expectations. It can be helpful to discuss which tasks need to be completed, who can take responsibility for them and how you will communicate changes. Avoid assuming that one person will automatically organise everything because they have been doing so for the longest time or live closest to the person needing care. If you cannot share tasks equally, you may be able to contribute in other ways, such as paying for agreed expenses where appropriate, arranging appointments, researching support or providing regular breaks. Clear agreements can help reduce misunderstandings and resentment.
Be alert to signs that the carer may be struggling to cope. They might seem persistently exhausted, become increasingly withdrawn, stop doing things they previously enjoyed, appear unusually irritable or express feelings of hopelessness. They may neglect their own health or say that they cannot continue managing the situation. These changes do not necessarily mean that they have a mental health condition, but they may indicate that more support is needed. Ask how they are feeling, listen carefully and help them explore options. If you are concerned about their immediate safety or believe they may harm themselves, seek urgent professional help.
Finally, remember that carers are people with their own identities, goals, relationships and needs beyond the caring role. Continue to ask about their interests, work, friendships and plans, rather than making every conversation about the person they care for. Recognise the effort they put in without suggesting that they must always be selfless or available. You cannot remove every difficulty they face, but practical assistance, regular contact and a willingness to listen can help them feel less alone.
Myth Buster
Myth: A carer is only someone who is paid to provide care
Truth: Many carers are unpaid family members, partners or friends who support someone with illness, disability, mental health difficulties or other needs. You may be a carer even if you have never used that term to describe yourself
Myth: Caring for someone you love should come naturally and should not feel difficult
Truth: Caring can be meaningful and rewarding, but it can also be physically demanding, emotionally challenging and exhausting. Finding it difficult does not mean you love the person any less
Myth: A good carer always puts the other person’s needs first
Truth: Your needs matter too. Looking after your own wellbeing, maintaining relationships and having time to rest are not selfish, and you should not have to sacrifice every aspect of your life to be a caring person
Myth: Feeling frustrated or resentful means you are a bad carer
Truth: Difficult emotions can arise when you are tired, worried or under pressure. These feelings do not define your relationship or mean that you do not care; they may be a sign that you need more support or a break
Myth: Asking for help means you are not coping properly
Truth: Caring often involves responsibilities that are too demanding for one person to manage alone. Seeking practical, emotional or professional support can help you and the person you care for
Myth: Carers should know how to manage every situation
Truth: Care needs can be complex and change over time. It is reasonable to ask questions, seek training, request advice and explain when you are unsure how to carry out a task safely
Myth: Taking a break means abandoning the person you care for
Truth: Breaks can help carers rest, maintain their wellbeing and sustain their caring responsibilities. With appropriate arrangements in place, another person or service may be able to provide support while you take time for yourself
Myth: Only people who provide care full-time need support
Truth: Caring can affect people who provide a few hours of support each week as well as those with substantial daily responsibilities. The impact depends on the person’s needs, the tasks involved and the carer’s own circumstances
Myth: If a carer does not ask for help, they must be managing
Truth: Some carers feel guilty asking for help, do not know what support exists or are too overwhelmed to organise it. Checking in and offering specific practical help can make it easier for them to access support
Myth: Being a carer means giving up your own goals and identity
Truth: Caring may require changes and compromises, but you still have a right to your own interests, relationships, education, work and future plans. Support and flexible arrangements may help you maintain parts of your life outside caring
Support
Support for carers can include practical assistance, emotional support, information about the person’s needs, financial advice, help with caring tasks and opportunities to take a break. The support available depends on your circumstances, the needs of the person you care for and where you live. You do not need to wait until you are overwhelmed before exploring what might help.
In England, you can contact your local council to request a carer’s assessment if you provide or intend to provide care for an adult who needs support. This assessment considers how caring affects your wellbeing, daily life, work, relationships and ability to manage other responsibilities. It may identify support such as access to carers’ services, advice, training or help with breaks. A carer’s assessment is separate from an assessment of the needs of the person you care for. If the person you support has eligible care needs, they may also be able to receive a needs assessment. The exact support available depends on the assessment and local arrangements.
Local carers’ centres and carers’ organisations may offer information, emotional support, peer groups, practical guidance and advice about benefits or services. Speaking to other carers can help you feel less alone and provide opportunities to learn how other people manage similar challenges. You may also be able to access support through your GP, social worker, care coordinator or the healthcare team involved in the person’s care. If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, low mood or exhaustion, you can seek help for your own wellbeing rather than waiting for the caring situation to change.
Depending on your circumstances, you may be eligible for financial support or benefits. Carer’s Allowance has specific eligibility criteria, including rules about the amount of care provided, the benefits received by the person being cared for and the carer’s earnings and circumstances. Other benefits or financial assistance may also be relevant. Because eligibility rules can be complicated and may change, consider seeking advice from a reputable benefits adviser or carers’ organisation before making decisions about work, income or claiming support.
Respite care and other replacement care arrangements may provide opportunities for carers to take a break, attend appointments, rest or spend time on other parts of their lives. The options available may include support from family or friends, paid care, community services or arrangements identified through a local authority assessment. If you are concerned about leaving the person alone or changing their routine, discuss this with the relevant professionals to identify an arrangement that meets their needs safely. You should not have to rely on unsafe or unsustainable arrangements because you cannot see another option.
If you are supporting a child or young person with significant needs, you may be able to access support through children’s social care, your local council, school or relevant health services. Young carers may also be entitled to an assessment of their own needs and support to make sure caring responsibilities do not prevent them from accessing education, friendships and age-appropriate activities. If you are a young person caring for a family member, speak to a trusted adult or local young carers’ service about what help may be available.
Therapy interventions
Not every carer will need therapy, and psychological support cannot resolve every practical difficulty associated with caring. Therapy may be helpful when stress, anxiety, low mood, guilt or relationship difficulties are affecting wellbeing, while practical services and shared care arrangements may be equally important. The most appropriate support depends on the individual’s needs and circumstances.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – CBT can help carers understand how their thoughts, emotions, physical reactions and behaviours influence one another. It may be useful when someone experiences anxiety, guilt, low mood or pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. For example, a carer who thinks, “If I take a break, I am letting them down” could explore this belief and develop a more balanced understanding of why rest and shared support matter.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – ACT can help carers make room for difficult emotions while identifying actions that reflect their values. It recognises that caring may involve feelings that cannot simply be removed, such as sadness, worry or frustration. For example, someone might learn to acknowledge guilt when taking time for themselves while still choosing to spend time with friends because relationships and personal wellbeing are important to them.
- Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) – CFT can help carers who are highly self-critical or feel ashamed of struggling. It encourages a more compassionate response to personal difficulties and recognises that stress can affect how people think and feel. For example, a carer who criticises themselves for becoming impatient might learn to understand the pressures contributing to that reaction and identify what support or changes they need.
- Mindfulness-based approaches – Mindfulness can help carers notice their thoughts, feelings and physical sensations without immediately judging or reacting to them. Brief grounding or breathing exercises may provide moments of calm during stressful days. For example, a carer might take a few minutes to focus on their breathing or notice their surroundings after a difficult appointment. These approaches are not a replacement for practical support or adequate rest.
- Problem-solving approaches – Problem-solving interventions can help carers identify specific difficulties, consider possible solutions and break tasks into manageable steps. For example, someone who feels overwhelmed by appointments and household responsibilities might work out which tasks are most urgent, which can be shared and which services could provide assistance. This can help turn a general feeling of being unable to cope into a practical plan.
- Stress management interventions – Stress management can help carers recognise signs of stress and develop strategies for managing demands. This may involve identifying triggers, planning regular breaks, improving routines, practising relaxation and recognising when responsibilities have become unsustainable. For example, a carer might develop a plan for getting support when the person they care for has a particularly difficult day.
- Interpersonal therapy and relationship-focused approaches – These approaches can help carers explore changes in relationships, communication and social support. Caring can change the balance of a relationship, particularly when someone is supporting a partner or close family member. Therapy may help someone communicate their needs, navigate difficult emotions and manage changes in their relationships with the person they care for and others.
- Psychoeducation – Psychoeducation involves learning about stress, emotional wellbeing, caring responsibilities and the effects that prolonged pressure can have on the body and mind. It can help carers recognise common reactions, understand their needs and identify when further support may be useful. Depending on the situation, it may also involve learning about the condition affecting the person they care for and understanding how to access appropriate services.
- Support groups and peer support – Peer support gives carers opportunities to speak with people who have similar experiences, share practical ideas and feel understood by others who recognise the challenges of caring. Groups may be available in person or online and may focus on particular conditions or caring situations. They are not a substitute for professional treatment when this is needed, but they can reduce isolation and provide a valuable source of connection.
Helplines
Carers UK
Carers UK is a charity providing information and advice for unpaid carers. They offer guidance on carers’ rights, financial support, practical caring responsibilities and looking after your own wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 808 7777
Website: http://www.carersuk.org
Carers Trust
Carers Trust is a charity providing information and support for unpaid carers. They help people find local carers’ services, including advice, peer support and opportunities to take a break from caring.
Website: http://www.carers.org
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.giveusashout.org
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.samaritans.org
