Summary
Going to the doctor about a physical or mental health concern can feel stressful, particularly if you are worried about what they might say, are unsure whether your symptoms are important enough to mention, or find it difficult to explain what has been happening. You might also feel embarrassed about discussing something personal, worry that you will not be taken seriously, or feel anxious about going to an appointment without knowing what will happen. Remember that you do not need to work out what is wrong before you make an appointment. The purpose of seeing a doctor is to help you understand what may be happening, consider whether you need any tests or further assessment, and discuss what support or treatment may be appropriate.
It can be useful to spend a little time preparing before your appointment, particularly if you know that you become nervous in healthcare settings or tend to forget what you wanted to say. You could make a list of your symptoms, write down when they started and keep a record of how often they happen and how they affect you. If your symptoms come and go, recording them over several days or weeks may help you and the doctor identify patterns. You can also write down anything you want to ask, including questions about possible causes, treatment, medication, referrals, tests or what you should do next.
You can decide whether you want to attend your appointment on your own or have someone you trust with you. This could be a parent, carer, friend, partner or another trusted person. Having someone with you may provide reassurance, help you remember what you wanted to say and give you another person to listen to what the doctor tells you. However, you may prefer to attend alone, particularly if you want to discuss something privately. If you are going with a parent or carer, it can be helpful to speak to them beforehand about whether you want them to come into the consultation, wait outside, or come in for part of the appointment and leave when you want to speak privately.
You do not need to give a perfect explanation of what is happening. It is okay to take notes into the appointment, read from them, show the doctor something you have written down or tell them that you are finding it difficult to explain. Being honest about your symptoms, how they affect you and anything that you are worried about gives the doctor the best opportunity to understand your situation and work out what support may be appropriate.
How to help myself
Before your appointment, take some time to think about what you want to discuss. It can be easy to arrive at the doctor’s surgery and suddenly forget everything you wanted to mention, particularly if you are anxious or there are several things you want to talk about. Write down the main reason you are making the appointment, followed by any other symptoms, concerns or questions you want to raise. You could keep this on your phone, in a notebook or on paper and take it into the consultation with you. You do not need to memorise what you want to say, and there is nothing wrong with looking at your notes while you speak.
Make a list of your symptoms and describe what you have actually been experiencing rather than trying to diagnose yourself. For physical health concerns, this might include pain, headaches, dizziness, tiredness, changes in appetite, changes in your weight, stomach problems, changes in your sleep or anything else that feels different from usual. For mental health concerns, you might want to record changes in your mood, anxiety, thoughts, motivation, concentration, sleep, appetite, energy, behaviour or relationships. You can also make a note of physical symptoms that happen alongside emotional difficulties, such as feeling sick, shaky, tense, exhausted or having a racing heart. You do not need to know whether these symptoms are connected; the doctor can help you consider this.
If your symptoms are not happening all the time, consider recording them for several days or weeks before your appointment if it is safe and practical to do so. Write down when the symptom happens, how long it lasts, how severe it feels and whether anything seems to make it better or worse. You might notice that symptoms happen at particular times of day, after certain activities, during stressful situations or alongside changes in your sleep, food, medication or routine. You do not need to keep an extremely detailed diary. A few brief notes each day can provide useful information and may help you remember things that would otherwise be difficult to describe during the appointment.
Think about when the problem started and whether anything changed around that time. You could make a note of whether the symptoms appeared suddenly or gradually, whether they have become more frequent or severe and whether there was an illness, injury, stressful experience, change in medication or another significant event around the time they began. If you cannot remember exactly when something started, that is completely okay. An approximate timeframe can still be useful, and the doctor can ask further questions if they need more information.
Think about how the problem is affecting your everyday life, as this can be just as important as the symptom itself. You might be experiencing headaches, for example, but it is also useful to explain if they are stopping you from sleeping, concentrating in school, working, socialising or doing activities you normally enjoy. Similarly, if you are experiencing anxiety or low mood, explain whether this is affecting your attendance, relationships, motivation, self-care, appetite, sleep or ability to complete everyday tasks. Try to describe the impact honestly, even if you are worried that it sounds insignificant or that someone else might have it worse.
Write down anything that seems to make your symptoms better or worse. This could include rest, exercise, food, particular situations, stress, being around certain people, being alone, medication, sleep or particular times of day. You do not need to know why these things affect you. The information may simply help the doctor build a clearer picture of what you have been experiencing.
Make a separate list of questions you want to ask. You might want to ask what could be causing your symptoms, whether you need further assessment or tests, what treatment options are available, whether there are things you can do yourself, what side effects a medication may have, whether you should make another appointment or whether you will be referred to another service. If you are offered a treatment or medication, it is okay to ask why it has been recommended, what the benefits and risks are, whether there are alternatives and what you should do if it does not help.
Think about whether there is anything that feels difficult or embarrassing to talk about. You might be worried about discussing your mood, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, substance use, sexual health, eating difficulties, relationships, family circumstances or something that has happened to you. Doctors are used to discussing sensitive subjects, and giving them accurate information can help them provide appropriate care. If you cannot bring yourself to say something out loud, you can write it down and show them your notes. It is better for the doctor to know what you are experiencing than for you to leave out an important concern because you feel embarrassed.
Think about whether you want someone to come with you. There is no correct choice, and you can change your mind. A parent or carer may be helpful if you want support remembering information, explaining your symptoms or understanding what the doctor says. A friend or another trusted person may be preferable if you feel more comfortable with them. You might also decide that you would rather go alone because you want to discuss something privately. Think about what would make you feel safest and most comfortable rather than what you think you are expected to do.
If you are going with a parent or carer, talk to them before the appointment about what you would like them to do. You might want them to come into the consultation, wait outside or come in for part of the appointment and then leave. If there are things you want to discuss privately, you can let them know beforehand or speak to the doctor about having some time alone. You do not have to discuss every aspect of your health in front of another person simply because they have accompanied you to the appointment.
If you are nervous about speaking to the doctor, you can plan how you want to start the conversation. You could say, “I have been experiencing some symptoms and I have written them down because I am worried I will forget something,” or “There is something I need to talk about but I am finding it difficult to explain.” Starting with one clear sentence can make it easier to move into the rest of the conversation. You can then use your notes to guide you through the things you wanted to discuss.
During the appointment, try to be as honest as you can about what you are experiencing. You do not need to make your symptoms sound worse, but try not to minimise them either. People sometimes say that they are “fine” because they feel embarrassed or do not want to make a fuss, even when they are actually struggling significantly. If something is affecting your life, tell the doctor. They can only work with the information you give them.
If you do not understand something the doctor says, ask them to explain it again. Medical language can be confusing, and you should not feel embarrassed about asking questions. You can ask them to explain something in simpler language, write down information or tell you what you should expect to happen next. If you are given instructions, repeat them back or write them down if this helps you remember them.
Before leaving, make sure you know what happens next. If the doctor is arranging tests, a referral, medication or another appointment, ask what you need to do and when you should expect to hear something. Ask who you should contact if your symptoms get worse or if you have concerns while you are waiting. If you are not sure whether you need another appointment, ask what signs would mean that you should come back.
If you forget something important after the appointment, do not assume that you have missed your opportunity to get help. You can contact the practice or arrange another appointment if you need to discuss something further. Healthcare is often an ongoing process rather than one conversation, and you are allowed to ask for further support if the problem has not been resolved.
How to help a loved one
If someone you care about is going to the doctor, offer support without taking control of the appointment. You could ask whether they would like you to go with them, help them prepare their notes or simply check in with them before and afterwards. Some people feel reassured by having someone with them, while others may prefer to manage the appointment independently. Ask what they would find helpful rather than assuming that they want you involved.
If they want you to attend, talk to them beforehand about what they would like you to do. They may want you to come into the consultation, wait outside, take notes, remind them about something they wanted to mention or simply provide reassurance. If they want to speak to the doctor privately about certain things, respect this. Being there to support someone does not mean that you need to be involved in every part of their healthcare.
Help them prepare their notes if they are struggling to organise their thoughts. You could sit with them while they write down their symptoms, when they started, how often they occur and how they are affecting everyday life. You could also help them think of questions they want to ask. Try to help them organise their information rather than telling them what they should say.
If they have been keeping a symptom diary, you can help them look through it before the appointment. This may make it easier for them to identify patterns or remember important information. However, avoid interpreting the information for them or deciding what you think their symptoms mean. The doctor is there to assess this.
If the person is worried that the doctor will not take them seriously, encourage them to explain the impact of their symptoms clearly. You can remind them that they are allowed to ask questions and explain if something is not improving. If they find it difficult to speak, you can help them start the conversation if they have asked you to, but give them space to describe their own experiences wherever possible.
If they are a young person attending with a parent or carer, talk beforehand about whether they want that person in the room. They may want a parent or carer there for reassurance but still want some private time with the doctor. Helping everyone understand this beforehand can make the appointment feel less uncomfortable and reduce the chance of the young person feeling pressured to discuss personal information in front of someone else.
After the appointment, ask whether they understood what the doctor said and whether they want help remembering what they need to do next. You could help them keep track of another appointment, medication instructions, tests or referrals if they want this support. Avoid taking over their healthcare unless they specifically need or request that level of help.
If the person is disappointed by the appointment, listen to them rather than immediately telling them what they should do. They may feel frustrated if they did not get the answer they hoped for or if they felt their concerns were not understood. You can encourage them to seek further advice or make another appointment if appropriate.
If you are concerned that someone is seriously unwell, experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, or is at immediate risk, do not rely on being their only source of support. Help them access appropriate professional or emergency support. You can support someone while still recognising that their healthcare needs to involve qualified professionals.
Myth Buster
Myth: You need to know what is wrong before going to the doctor
Truth: You do not need to diagnose yourself before making an appointment. The purpose of seeing a doctor is to discuss your symptoms and concerns and work out whether further assessment, tests, treatment or support may be needed.
Myth: You should only see a doctor if your symptoms are severe
Truth: You can speak to a doctor about symptoms that are worrying you, particularly if they are persistent, changing, affecting your everyday life or causing you concern. You do not need to wait until you are struggling significantly before asking for advice.
Myth: You have to go to the doctor alone
Truth: You can choose whether you want someone you trust to accompany you, depending on your circumstances and what you feel comfortable with. A parent, carer, friend or another trusted person may be able to provide reassurance or help you remember information.
Myth: If a parent comes with you, they have to stay in the room
Truth: If you want a parent or carer to accompany you, you can discuss beforehand whether you want them to come into the appointment, wait outside or leave for part of the consultation. If you want to discuss something privately, you can ask the doctor about having some time alone.
Myth: You have to remember every symptom and detail
Truth: It is completely okay to take notes with you. Writing down your symptoms, when they happen and the questions you want to ask can help you remember important information, particularly if you become nervous during the appointment.
Myth: You should only mention your main symptom
Truth: Other symptoms and changes can be relevant, even if you are unsure whether they are connected. Tell the doctor about the main concern as well as other changes you have noticed so they can consider the wider picture.
Myth: You should work out what diagnosis you have before your appointment
Truth: You do not need to decide what is causing your symptoms. It can be helpful to describe what you are experiencing and how it affects you rather than trying to fit your symptoms into a particular diagnosis.
Myth: You have to tell the doctor everything in front of your parent
Truth: If there are things you want to discuss privately, you can ask about speaking to the doctor alone. Talk to your parent or carer beforehand if possible so you can agree what would make you most comfortable.
Myth: Asking questions makes you difficult
Truth: You are allowed to ask questions about your health and treatment. If you do not understand something, asking the doctor to explain it again can help you make informed decisions about your care.
Myth: If the doctor says everything is okay, you should never go back
Truth: If your symptoms continue, become worse or change, it is okay to seek further advice. One appointment does not necessarily answer every question, and you can speak to a healthcare professional again if you remain concerned.
Myth: Mental health problems are not a good enough reason to see a doctor
Truth: Mental health concerns are a valid reason to seek healthcare. You can speak to a doctor about anxiety, low mood, changes in sleep or appetite, intrusive thoughts, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, stress or anything else that is affecting your mental wellbeing.
Myth: You need to have evidence that something is wrong
Truth: You do not need to prove that you are unwell before speaking to a doctor. Your symptoms and concerns are enough reason to ask for advice. Keeping a record of symptoms can provide useful information, but it is not a requirement for seeking help.
Support
Your GP practice can be a useful starting point for many physical and mental health concerns. A doctor can discuss your symptoms, consider possible causes, assess whether further investigations are needed and talk to you about treatment or support. Depending on the problem, you may also be seen by another healthcare professional working within the practice.
If you are worried about talking to a doctor, you can ask the GP practice what options are available when booking your appointment. Depending on the service, you may be able to request an appointment with a particular type of healthcare professional or discuss any communication or accessibility needs you have. If there is something that would make attending the appointment easier, tell the practice when you book.
You can also speak to a trusted person before your appointment. A parent, carer, friend, partner, teacher or another trusted adult may be able to help you prepare, accompany you or simply provide reassurance. You do not have to tell them every detail about your health if you do not want to.
If you are a young person and your concern relates to your mental health, you may also be able to access support through your school or college. A pastoral team, school counsellor, school nurse, safeguarding lead or another trusted member of staff may be able to listen to your concerns and help you identify what support is available.
If you are already receiving support from a mental health service or another healthcare team, you can also speak to the professionals involved in your care. Let them know if your symptoms have changed, if something new has developed or if your current support is no longer meeting your needs.
If you have difficulties communicating your symptoms, consider what would make the appointment easier. You could write things down, use reminders, take someone with you or tell the healthcare professional that you find verbal communication difficult. It is okay to ask for information to be repeated or provided in another format where possible.
If you have additional needs, a disability or a condition that affects how you communicate or process information, tell the healthcare service if there are adjustments that would help. This could include additional time, communication support, bringing someone with you or receiving information in a format that is easier for you to understand.
If you are worried that your symptoms are being dismissed, try to explain clearly how they are affecting your everyday life. If the problem continues or changes, you can seek further medical advice. You can also ask what you should do if your symptoms do not improve and when you should seek further help.
For urgent physical health concerns, use the appropriate urgent healthcare service. NHS 111 can provide advice when you need urgent medical help but it is not an emergency. If there is an immediate risk to life or a serious emergency, call 999 or go to A&E.
For urgent mental health support, you can contact NHS 111 and select the mental health option. If you are in immediate danger, have seriously harmed yourself, are at immediate risk of harming yourself or someone else, or need emergency medical attention, call 999 or go to A&E.
Therapy interventions
Therapy can be useful when physical or mental health difficulties are having an emotional or psychological impact on your everyday life. The type of therapy offered will depend on what you are experiencing, your age, your circumstances and the services available. Therapy is not necessary for every health concern, and a healthcare professional can help you understand whether psychological support may be appropriate.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – CBT helps you understand the links between your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and behaviours. It can be helpful for difficulties such as anxiety, low mood, stress, health worries and coping with changes related to physical or mental health.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) – ACT helps you respond differently to difficult thoughts and feelings rather than allowing them to completely control your behaviour. It focuses on accepting experiences that cannot always be changed while taking meaningful steps towards the things that are important to you.
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) – DBT teaches practical skills for managing strong emotions, coping with distress, improving relationships and responding to difficult situations. It may be particularly useful when someone experiences intense or rapidly changing emotions or behaviours that are difficult to manage.
- Counselling – Counselling provides a supportive and non-judgemental space to talk about personal, emotional or psychological difficulties. It can help you explore how you are feeling, understand difficulties and develop ways of coping with situations that are affecting your wellbeing.
- Psychoeducation – Psychoeducation involves learning about a health condition, symptoms, treatment and ways of managing difficulties. Understanding what is happening can make symptoms feel less confusing and help you recognise when you may need additional support.
- Problem-Solving Therapy – Problem-Solving Therapy helps you break down practical or emotional difficulties into manageable steps. It can be useful when stress, health problems or changes in circumstances are making everyday life feel overwhelming.
- Family Therapy – Family therapy can help when health difficulties are affecting family relationships or when relatives need support understanding what someone is experiencing. It can improve communication and help families identify practical ways of supporting one another.
- Occupational Therapy (OT) – OT can help when physical or mental health difficulties are affecting everyday activities, routines, education, work or independence. An OT can help identify practical strategies, adaptations and changes that may make daily life more manageable.
Helplines
Samaritans
Samaritans is a charity providing emotional support to anyone who is struggling to cope or needs someone to talk to. They are there for people experiencing all sorts of difficulties, including stress, anxiety, loneliness, relationship or family problems, bereavement, feeling overwhelmed and concerns about mental health or suicide.
Phone: 116 123
Opening times: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.samaritans.org
Childline
Childline is a free service for young people to talk to a counsellor about anything. The service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Childline is available to anybody who is 18 years old or younger.
Phone: 0800 1111
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
You can also find helpful resources, speak to a counsellor online or send a message on their site.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
For adults concerned about a child, the NSPCC can be contacted
NSPCC
NSPCC is a children’s charity that works to protect children and prevent abuse and neglect. They provide support and advice for adults about child abuse, neglect, child safety, online safety and children’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
Phone: 0808 800 5000
Opening times: 10 am–4 pm, Monday–Friday
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk
Email opening times: 11 am–4 pm, 7 days a week
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk
YoungMinds
YoungMinds is a national charity supporting the mental health and wellbeing of children and young people. They provide information, advice and support for parents and carers who are concerned about a young person’s mental health, and help people understand mental health difficulties, find appropriate support and access useful resources. Their Parents Helpline can provide information, advice, emotional support and signposting to other services.
Parent helpline: 0808 802 5544 (9:30 am – 4 pm on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and from 9:30 am – 6 pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays)
Email: parents@youngminds.org.uk
Webchat: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/
Shout
Shout is a free, confidential text messaging service that provides support to anyone who is struggling to cope. It can help with a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, low mood, loneliness, relationship difficulties, bullying, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and other mental health challenges.
Text: SHOUT to 85258
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Website: www.giveusashout.org
NHS 111 (Option 2)
NHS 111 is an NHS service providing urgent medical and mental health advice and support. It can help with mental health concerns, emotional distress, anxiety, low mood, suicidal thoughts and other urgent health problems.
Phone: For mental health support, call 111 and select the mental health option (option 2).
Opening times: Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Mind
Mind is a mental health charity providing information, advice and support for people experiencing mental health difficulties. They cover a wide range of mental health and wellbeing issues, including anxiety, depression, stress, relationships, loneliness, coping with difficult experiences and managing everyday life. Mind provides information to help people understand what they are experiencing, know their rights, find appropriate support and feel less alone.
Phone: 0300 123 3393
Opening times: 9am–6pm, Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays)
Email: info@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a charity providing support for people who are struggling with their mental health or experiencing emotional distress. They support people with issues including low mood, anxiety, loneliness, stress, suicidal thoughts and difficult life experiences.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58
Opening times: 5pm–midnight, every day
Webchat: 5pm–midnight, every day
WhatsApp: Available through the CALM website
Website: http://www.thecalmzone.net
